Dear ConAgra Foods:
First off, I must tell you that I thoroughly enjoy your Mini-Tacos. I devour them with the ferocity of a condemned man on execution night. In fact, if I were due to be murdered by the state I would proudly have the Mini-Taco bile mixture of tortillas and beef in my intestines. Again, I love your delicious delights of Mexican fare. One of the worst days of my life occurred September 11, 2001. That's right. My local Albertson's sold out your scrumptious Mexican morsels.
But, I have some suggestions for your luscious Latin American treats...Make them bigger!
Hey, I admire them as much as the next bandito but Mini-Tacos are very time intensive. Is it just me, but is it hard to so finely dice tomatoes and lettuce? Maybe you can create a promotion for really small cheese shredders. Who has time to dollop tiny dots of sour cream on each mini-taco? I use an eye dropper.
I noticed on your box that they're are made in Ohio. Is there a large Spanish-speaking midget population near Cleveland? How do they ply their dainty digits so well and send such love to my tum-tum?
Mini-Tacos may not be the most perfect food, but they make me feel good. They make me feel bigger than myself. It's good for the ol' confidence, you know. Holding those beautiful bites of beef in my hand make me feel larger than life. I can hold like 20 tacos in my hands. Who, but a giant, could perform such feats?
Epicurious,
Steve Tavares
PS: Could you tell me if it's necessary to store mini-tacos in mini-refrigerators?
Monday, January 31, 2005
Sunday, January 30, 2005
LFR Endores Kerry in Iraqi Elections
We are told that this is a "historic" day in Iraq. The first free elections in a generation. Apparently, before the price of elections were two goats, your hands, semi-naked pictures of Phyllis Diller, a six-pack of Tab and Anne Murray's Greatest Hits.
Surprisingly, John Kerry's name is one of the 8,000 names on the ballot. It's not clear whether this is actually the senator from Massuchusetts, but an Iraqi group named "Camel Riding Veterans for the Truth" have charged Kerry with faking wounds inflicted by the Babylonians during the war in Mesopotamia.
In the days leading to elections in Iraq there were worries that the Sunni minority would boycott the vote. In a turn of events that have baffled election officials, reports are trickling in that African-Americans are being denied access to polling places in Southern Iraq. Said Loretta Jackson of Tuscaloosa, Alabama: "Oh, no, this shit ain't happening to me again!"
There's is no evidence of any link to the six (Update: by the end of the day there were nine)suicide bombings that have occured in Baghdad today, but it does show how far Iraqis have to go until they become a true democracy.
According to the Iraqi bureau of the Nielsen TV ratings firm, Iraqis just don't get it. Far less Iraqis are expecting to vote in the upcoming finals of the hit singing competition, Iraqi Idol, than in today's vote.
The president of Nielsen, Bill Johnson said, "Until Iraqis feel comfortable enough with national elections that they can pay more attention to a big, fat guy and an androgynous human being only then will they be swindled properly by their leaders."
Other Iraqi Elections thoughts: How far has war profiteering gone in Iraq. It seems that even Tupperware has a stake in the war. Have you notice the big plastic ballot boxes on television? Come on! How are those things sealed? When you hear the burp you know you can proceed with rigging the vote.
Surprisingly, John Kerry's name is one of the 8,000 names on the ballot. It's not clear whether this is actually the senator from Massuchusetts, but an Iraqi group named "Camel Riding Veterans for the Truth" have charged Kerry with faking wounds inflicted by the Babylonians during the war in Mesopotamia.
In the days leading to elections in Iraq there were worries that the Sunni minority would boycott the vote. In a turn of events that have baffled election officials, reports are trickling in that African-Americans are being denied access to polling places in Southern Iraq. Said Loretta Jackson of Tuscaloosa, Alabama: "Oh, no, this shit ain't happening to me again!"
There's is no evidence of any link to the six (Update: by the end of the day there were nine)suicide bombings that have occured in Baghdad today, but it does show how far Iraqis have to go until they become a true democracy.
According to the Iraqi bureau of the Nielsen TV ratings firm, Iraqis just don't get it. Far less Iraqis are expecting to vote in the upcoming finals of the hit singing competition, Iraqi Idol, than in today's vote.
The president of Nielsen, Bill Johnson said, "Until Iraqis feel comfortable enough with national elections that they can pay more attention to a big, fat guy and an androgynous human being only then will they be swindled properly by their leaders."
Other Iraqi Elections thoughts: How far has war profiteering gone in Iraq. It seems that even Tupperware has a stake in the war. Have you notice the big plastic ballot boxes on television? Come on! How are those things sealed? When you hear the burp you know you can proceed with rigging the vote.
Monday, January 24, 2005
F@#% Michigan!
Obviously little Johnny was very unhappy with Ohio State's 60-56 overtime loss against Minnesota last Saturday night. The Buckeyes fell to 1-4 in Big Ten play.
The Golden Gophers scored nine straight points late in the game to force overtime.
Little Johnny had this to say: "F##$% those mutha#$%$, sons of b#$%$$. I would like to stick my little #@$$ up their golden #$%#. I hate those guys and I hate you too, Mom!"
The Golden Gophers scored nine straight points late in the game to force overtime.
Little Johnny had this to say: "F##$% those mutha#$%$, sons of b#$%$$. I would like to stick my little #@$$ up their golden #$%#. I hate those guys and I hate you too, Mom!"
Sunday, January 23, 2005
Theeeeeere Goes Johnny!
Carnac: Ben Gay.
Ed McMahon: Ben Gay.
Carnac: Is there an echo?
Ed: Ha Ha Yes!
Carnac: Ben Gay
Carnac: Why didn't Mrs. Franklin have any kids?
Hey Yo!!!
The "King of Late Night" passed away today at the age of 79.
For me, around the age of eight or nine, staying up long enough to watch the Tonight Show was a grand achievement. Usually by the time I had reached these uncharted waters I quickly fell asleep. In the coming years I would learn more about comedy, most notably delivery and timing, and also witnessed the innate warmth that radiated through him every weekday night.
I was fascinated by the dichotomy that was Carson's personality. How could a man so much in the limelight be so shy?
In 1992, just after he left the Tonight Show, I took a tour of the NBC studios in Burbank. The tour guide escorted us to the since barren set that so many late night memories were staged. We were told that Carson was obsessively shy. In fact, the studio's ceiling was purposely built low and the combination of the bright lights and low roof formed an artificial barrier for Carson to feel comfortable.
I can never forget being the first person at my house to notice that Johnny's zipper was open during his monologue sometime in the 80s. His ability to constantly needle his own foibles and jokingly picking fun of sidekick Ed McMahon's proclivity towards a few cocktails made the audience feel like they were on the inside of so many jokes.
When I was young, I always dreamed of being on the Tonight Show with Johnny. Maybe guest hosting or performing my comedy routine. A comic always knew were truly successful when they heard Carson's trademark cackle rise to the top of the entire audiences roar.
Here's to the man who tucked so many Americans in the bed with laughter and entertainment for over 30 years. Thank you, Johnny.
Ed McMahon: Ben Gay.
Carnac: Is there an echo?
Ed: Ha Ha Yes!
Carnac: Ben Gay
Carnac: Why didn't Mrs. Franklin have any kids?
Hey Yo!!!
The "King of Late Night" passed away today at the age of 79.
For me, around the age of eight or nine, staying up long enough to watch the Tonight Show was a grand achievement. Usually by the time I had reached these uncharted waters I quickly fell asleep. In the coming years I would learn more about comedy, most notably delivery and timing, and also witnessed the innate warmth that radiated through him every weekday night.
I was fascinated by the dichotomy that was Carson's personality. How could a man so much in the limelight be so shy?
In 1992, just after he left the Tonight Show, I took a tour of the NBC studios in Burbank. The tour guide escorted us to the since barren set that so many late night memories were staged. We were told that Carson was obsessively shy. In fact, the studio's ceiling was purposely built low and the combination of the bright lights and low roof formed an artificial barrier for Carson to feel comfortable.
I can never forget being the first person at my house to notice that Johnny's zipper was open during his monologue sometime in the 80s. His ability to constantly needle his own foibles and jokingly picking fun of sidekick Ed McMahon's proclivity towards a few cocktails made the audience feel like they were on the inside of so many jokes.
When I was young, I always dreamed of being on the Tonight Show with Johnny. Maybe guest hosting or performing my comedy routine. A comic always knew were truly successful when they heard Carson's trademark cackle rise to the top of the entire audiences roar.
Here's to the man who tucked so many Americans in the bed with laughter and entertainment for over 30 years. Thank you, Johnny.
Saturday, January 22, 2005
Falcons Will Win; I Should Have Played Lotto
"The best way I can describe Michael Vick would be to call him a robot; a cyber QB. In my lifetime I've never seen an athlete like #7. I believe he could literally win the Super Bowl for Hotlanta by himself. Imagine when more pieces are put in place. This is the NFC representative in Super Bowl XXXIX."
"Same old story in Cheesesteak land. Home field advantage in the NFC and another loss in the championship game. In the end, you'll find that Philly isn't much better or worse in whole scheme of things with Terrell Owens."
Those two statement were written in the LFR on September 12, 2004.
I also picked the Eagles to win the East and secure the home-field advantage in the playoffs and Atlanta to win the South.
How will the Eagles, ranked 19th against the run, stop the three-headed falcon of Michael Vick, Warrick Dunn and T.J. Duckett?
A foot of snow is expected in Philly for Sunday's game. The rule of thumb in football is that a run-oriented offense will thrive in stormy conditions. The Falcons won't rush for 327 yards like they did against St. Louis, but expect a healthy dose and a few short yardage touchdowns from Duckett.
Atlanta will head to Jacksonville with the most exciting player in the NFL and a defense that is as formidable as any the Patroits or Steelers have faced all season.
Do you think the 49ers are regretting letting the next Jon Gruden, in Jim Mora, Jr., fall through their grasp?
"Same old story in Cheesesteak land. Home field advantage in the NFC and another loss in the championship game. In the end, you'll find that Philly isn't much better or worse in whole scheme of things with Terrell Owens."
Those two statement were written in the LFR on September 12, 2004.
I also picked the Eagles to win the East and secure the home-field advantage in the playoffs and Atlanta to win the South.
How will the Eagles, ranked 19th against the run, stop the three-headed falcon of Michael Vick, Warrick Dunn and T.J. Duckett?
A foot of snow is expected in Philly for Sunday's game. The rule of thumb in football is that a run-oriented offense will thrive in stormy conditions. The Falcons won't rush for 327 yards like they did against St. Louis, but expect a healthy dose and a few short yardage touchdowns from Duckett.
Atlanta will head to Jacksonville with the most exciting player in the NFL and a defense that is as formidable as any the Patroits or Steelers have faced all season.
Do you think the 49ers are regretting letting the next Jon Gruden, in Jim Mora, Jr., fall through their grasp?
Pats Will Win Thanks To 'Big Ben'
I was a little off the mark with the AFC, though. Corey Dillon actually ran for the most yards in Patriots history and their nose tackle did just fine. I also picked the Pats second in the East with a wildcard. I picked Pittsburgh, on the other hand, fourth in the North, but wait! I did say Ben Rothlisberger would be good. C'mon.
Here's what I wrote in the LFR on September 12, 2004:
"I don't buy into the whole Patriots dynasty talk. RB Corey Dillon will turn out to be a dubious addition to a team that values cohesion. With DL Ted Washington gone to the Raidahs, how will they stop the run? Many football people are raving about rookie NT Vince Wilfork, like Vilma a product of Miami (FL). I think it's hard to count on a rookie to play nose tackle on a contending team. Aside from that, they have head coach, BIll Belichick and QB Tom Brady. There will be no Super Bowl letdown for the Pats."
"At first glance, the Steelers seem solid. QB Tommy Maddox should hold the starting spot nicely until Ben Rothlisberger is ready (he's going to be gooood). Pittsburgh is trying to do the retro thing on defense. Former defensive coordinator, Dick LeBeau, is back, but he doesn't have the same personnel. The defense will be like fitting square pegs into a round hole. On offense, RB Duce Staley will do fine until about Week 7, then, I don't know how RB Jerome Bettis can still perform to his former level."
This game is wonderfully matched. On one hand, how can you go against the defending Super Bowl Champs. On the other, how can you go against a team that's won 15 straight games?
The intriguing question is how can a quarterback that has won his first 14 games possibly be viewed as shaky? This game will come down to the Steelers' QB Rothlisberger. Is his thumb bothering him? Maybe. More likely, the pressure is bothering him. If the Jets can put so much fear in his game, can you imagine the seasoned Patroits defense feasting on young Ben.
This game will not be easy for New England. Pittsburgh will still grind the ball on the ground with Jerome Bettis and eat up a majority of the clock. The difference will be multiple interceptions from the rookie QB and possible TD returns coupled with the sure-footed kicker, Adam Vinatieri.
New England will try for their third title in four years on Feb. 6th.
Here's what I wrote in the LFR on September 12, 2004:
"I don't buy into the whole Patriots dynasty talk. RB Corey Dillon will turn out to be a dubious addition to a team that values cohesion. With DL Ted Washington gone to the Raidahs, how will they stop the run? Many football people are raving about rookie NT Vince Wilfork, like Vilma a product of Miami (FL). I think it's hard to count on a rookie to play nose tackle on a contending team. Aside from that, they have head coach, BIll Belichick and QB Tom Brady. There will be no Super Bowl letdown for the Pats."
"At first glance, the Steelers seem solid. QB Tommy Maddox should hold the starting spot nicely until Ben Rothlisberger is ready (he's going to be gooood). Pittsburgh is trying to do the retro thing on defense. Former defensive coordinator, Dick LeBeau, is back, but he doesn't have the same personnel. The defense will be like fitting square pegs into a round hole. On offense, RB Duce Staley will do fine until about Week 7, then, I don't know how RB Jerome Bettis can still perform to his former level."
This game is wonderfully matched. On one hand, how can you go against the defending Super Bowl Champs. On the other, how can you go against a team that's won 15 straight games?
The intriguing question is how can a quarterback that has won his first 14 games possibly be viewed as shaky? This game will come down to the Steelers' QB Rothlisberger. Is his thumb bothering him? Maybe. More likely, the pressure is bothering him. If the Jets can put so much fear in his game, can you imagine the seasoned Patroits defense feasting on young Ben.
This game will not be easy for New England. Pittsburgh will still grind the ball on the ground with Jerome Bettis and eat up a majority of the clock. The difference will be multiple interceptions from the rookie QB and possible TD returns coupled with the sure-footed kicker, Adam Vinatieri.
New England will try for their third title in four years on Feb. 6th.
Monday, January 17, 2005
The Boss Stole My Work
This is not some disgruntled screed against my former employer, but hopefully be read as constructive criticism and controlled angst towards the business world. Call it an epiphany into who I am and who I want to become.
Amidst corporate doublespeak I’ve struggled with a crisis of conscience. Can I survive and succeed in the rough and tumble business world of (empty) suits? Do I even want to?
It started with the simple public schmoozing of a newly hired supervisor to a company executive. Maybe you had to be there. Maybe the fact that this executive was blowing smoke up our ass to which nobody dared to respond. It was out of this atmosphere that the newbie chose to so finely illustrate the new company; the back-stabbing, ass-kissing, selfish prick.
This seemingly harmless and obscure scene has stay with me since. So much so, that I sat down with my manager and discussed, off the record, my coworkers’ banter with the executive. I remember saying, “Do I need to kiss ass to get ahead in the real world? Is it wise to expect that a boss in my future will respond to my honest and frank speak?”
From Day One, we have been fed a continuous stream of lies. First, that we all had a job at the new company on the condition that we worked harder. What we have since found is that our buyers strive to create cookie cutter banks--that is--place the same formula over every institution that is sucked into its orbit. We also found from other companies acquired by our buyers have an alarmingly high turnover rate. How does that happen? For one, the oldest trick in politics; frame the question before your opponent does and then answer it for them negatively.
They tell us to work harder and strive to achieve higher goals all the while, the create a false stigma that the employees are old, unmotivated, uneducated, lazy, complacent and surf the internet all day. The stereotype is pervasive and is the reason why no current employee of the “old regime” will ever seriously have any chance at all of the supposed great opportunities the bank has to offer.
In hiring, there is a concerted effort to offer positions only to college graduates whether or not they have any real experience on the job. As my manager postulates, the former owners chose to hire from within to save money subsequently left the company with a deficit of education within its ranks
Never mind that the former owners were a thrifty bunch, but they also faithfully treated their employees with respect. The treachery towards some of the executives from the old company is appalling.
When the former owners signed their checks they described them longingly as an anachronism in the fast-paced world of banking. Like a old, quaint building still standing amongst much larger and sleek skyscrapers. When they left, the company line was to tarnish everything that was created. Why didn’t they grow this bank? To listen some executives nowadays you would think that the former owners left the bank vault open and the keys under the mat.
When I came on board in 2000, I was skeptical about the former owners. Were they really so down-to-earth? Here was this scruffy guy in a faded leather bomber jacket eating miniature powder donuts in the lunchroom. He was truly the accidental banker. It wasn’t until his farewell dinner did I come to understand him and why the bank operated in such an old-style business manner.
He sat at the head table and completely fawned over his daughter who was sitting next to him. To this day, I have rarely seen so much apparent love for their offspring than I witnessed that night.
It is for this reason and solely this, that I react so angrily to the new description of my fellow coworkers. The executive from down south that I earlier mentioned dares to wonder, out loud, how we could never want to advance in our jobs and strive to achieve greater success and responsibility. He says, “Doesn’t it make you feel good to do a good job?” My response: I do not believe that this executive has any children of his own and if he does he should spend a little more time with them. What he reads as complacency other see as an honorable choice to allow stability to child rearing.
Employees didn’t go home to their children stressed out. Quitting time was 4:15, which allowed plenty of time to pickup their children from daycare. The people that I work with are hardworking, honorable people who have simply made the choice to give more of themselves to their families than to spreadsheets and mortgage loans. Instead of trashing our lifestyles, look at your own hollow existence.
It was in this atmosphere that I took it upon myself to ask for more work. I specifically requested an expansion of my duties on six occasion starting last May. I was given small, sometimes dubious work and completed it quickly and wallowed until I ask for more. My intention was merely to keep my mind active and not solely to gain notoriety, although, I expected it to come hand in hand.
Last month, I was given an assignment along with another person to create from existing sources a specific company procedure. I was given this assignment directly from my manager’s boss.
Once a draft of the procedure was created, it was effectively stolen from me by my boss. He conjured up a “corrected” copy of my draft in the form of a Word file. Instead of correcting the errors, he sought to visually inflate the number of errors by using the strikethrough function along with the correction in red. This apparent show of work on his part was undermined by the fact that nearly all of them came from existing procedures that surely was copy edited by our affiliated company down south.
Afterwards, I was completely shutout of any meeting pertaining to this project, in fact, my newly-hired supervisor, less than a week on the job, was jettisoned to one of these meetings instead of me. I obtained a copy of my manager’s creation and found it nearly identical to my draft.
When I confronted him on any of these facts he sheepishly ran from me without any answers to my queries. Why would he knowingly steal my work for his own? Many have told me that this happens all the time, “That’s what bosses do.” True, but in this instance, the assignment was given directly to me and my coworker not to him and no credit was due to him.
This is a selfish, conniving and morally bankrupt person. With the presupposition that to survive at this new bank, we needed to work harder; this manager has sought to undercut my ability to succeed for his own hide. He would rather reach his much sought after retirement age on the backs of people barely surviving on wages over the poverty line than by his own merits.
My disdain for his business acumen is pervasive throughout the company. Although, an acknowledgment of some sort of guile on his part should be recognized. His complete lack of any banking knowledge or leadership has defied logic for a long time. He cannot competently perform the duties of any of his subordinates. Has squandered three opportunities to learn the companies computer system in three years. He once famously mentioning that he didn’t need to learn it.
He pays lip-service to customer service when in fact speaking to a customer amounts to the pulling of one’s teeth. He shows very little empathy towards his employees to the point where he has made comments amounting to dismay that someone would need so many days to grieve or go so far as to rush an employee off the phone when she simply called him with an update of the status of her ailing spouse.
He also displays a shocking inability to make the simplest decisions. One notorious story included asking the former CFO how to solve an argument over a new leather jacket that was supposedly commingling with another's jacket in a closet. He favors leaning on his more knowledgeable employees to such a degree that they readily feel burned out or leave the company all together.
I apologize for this analogy, but he fits the basic plot of the children’s cartoon, “Inspector Gadget”. The bumbling, robotic super agent despite his buffoonery, always solves the crime not by his own good work but unknowingly by his young niece and her dog. My manager is Inspector Gadget and his underlings are the niece and dog. His boss can cite his ability to keep delinquencies low during staff meetings, but it clearly incites animosity and anger to the highest level. It further creates a divide between the higher ups and the regular employees.
When will executives at this company realize that the teamwork that they urge and describe to their workers comes across as deeply hollow. This type of camaraderie will only occur if the workers truly trust their bosses. When they have that sense; only then will this type of teamwork begin to coalesce. I attended a staff meeting two weeks ago where the same stock rhetoric of teamwork was pushed again. If this was a football team’s locker room an outside observer would surely conclude that the coach had lost the hearts and minds of the team. There was disinterest, anger and virtual daggers being shot towards her. Might this hostile attitude be warranted? Of course.
They hear an executive continually tell them they should be scared.
“Are you scared? I’m scared. You should be scared.”
They hear that they bosses are compiling ratings on their abilities and that they are also keeping track of all their transgressions large or small. It sounds very much like an atmosphere where goodwill is no where evident. Where the future makeup of the new company has already been decided. Instead of noting an employees positives, their negatives are gathered to support their conclusion for termination. Maybe the new CEO could take some time out and briefly visit with his new employees. Few have actually met this person. Is he afraid to look into the eyes of the mother of two or the employee of 40 years knowing that their future hardship will emanate from his decisions?
Over the weekend, 5,000 employees from PeopleSoft were let go. From news accounts, it sounded like they were well informed of Oracle’s decision to make cuts. Here, any rumors are treated as dirty family secrets and swept under the rug. Are they using certain employees to bridge the gap until their vision of the new company is realized? Do they have any actual plan at all?
I quit, partly because I see a dark period in the near future. Not only would I resent a company that will let so many go in favor of feeding a leadership so inept, but I would also loathe working with a new cast of characters that would surely exhibit the type of audaciously self-serving type of personality that I so dislike.
Amidst corporate doublespeak I’ve struggled with a crisis of conscience. Can I survive and succeed in the rough and tumble business world of (empty) suits? Do I even want to?
It started with the simple public schmoozing of a newly hired supervisor to a company executive. Maybe you had to be there. Maybe the fact that this executive was blowing smoke up our ass to which nobody dared to respond. It was out of this atmosphere that the newbie chose to so finely illustrate the new company; the back-stabbing, ass-kissing, selfish prick.
This seemingly harmless and obscure scene has stay with me since. So much so, that I sat down with my manager and discussed, off the record, my coworkers’ banter with the executive. I remember saying, “Do I need to kiss ass to get ahead in the real world? Is it wise to expect that a boss in my future will respond to my honest and frank speak?”
From Day One, we have been fed a continuous stream of lies. First, that we all had a job at the new company on the condition that we worked harder. What we have since found is that our buyers strive to create cookie cutter banks--that is--place the same formula over every institution that is sucked into its orbit. We also found from other companies acquired by our buyers have an alarmingly high turnover rate. How does that happen? For one, the oldest trick in politics; frame the question before your opponent does and then answer it for them negatively.
They tell us to work harder and strive to achieve higher goals all the while, the create a false stigma that the employees are old, unmotivated, uneducated, lazy, complacent and surf the internet all day. The stereotype is pervasive and is the reason why no current employee of the “old regime” will ever seriously have any chance at all of the supposed great opportunities the bank has to offer.
In hiring, there is a concerted effort to offer positions only to college graduates whether or not they have any real experience on the job. As my manager postulates, the former owners chose to hire from within to save money subsequently left the company with a deficit of education within its ranks
Never mind that the former owners were a thrifty bunch, but they also faithfully treated their employees with respect. The treachery towards some of the executives from the old company is appalling.
When the former owners signed their checks they described them longingly as an anachronism in the fast-paced world of banking. Like a old, quaint building still standing amongst much larger and sleek skyscrapers. When they left, the company line was to tarnish everything that was created. Why didn’t they grow this bank? To listen some executives nowadays you would think that the former owners left the bank vault open and the keys under the mat.
When I came on board in 2000, I was skeptical about the former owners. Were they really so down-to-earth? Here was this scruffy guy in a faded leather bomber jacket eating miniature powder donuts in the lunchroom. He was truly the accidental banker. It wasn’t until his farewell dinner did I come to understand him and why the bank operated in such an old-style business manner.
He sat at the head table and completely fawned over his daughter who was sitting next to him. To this day, I have rarely seen so much apparent love for their offspring than I witnessed that night.
It is for this reason and solely this, that I react so angrily to the new description of my fellow coworkers. The executive from down south that I earlier mentioned dares to wonder, out loud, how we could never want to advance in our jobs and strive to achieve greater success and responsibility. He says, “Doesn’t it make you feel good to do a good job?” My response: I do not believe that this executive has any children of his own and if he does he should spend a little more time with them. What he reads as complacency other see as an honorable choice to allow stability to child rearing.
Employees didn’t go home to their children stressed out. Quitting time was 4:15, which allowed plenty of time to pickup their children from daycare. The people that I work with are hardworking, honorable people who have simply made the choice to give more of themselves to their families than to spreadsheets and mortgage loans. Instead of trashing our lifestyles, look at your own hollow existence.
It was in this atmosphere that I took it upon myself to ask for more work. I specifically requested an expansion of my duties on six occasion starting last May. I was given small, sometimes dubious work and completed it quickly and wallowed until I ask for more. My intention was merely to keep my mind active and not solely to gain notoriety, although, I expected it to come hand in hand.
Last month, I was given an assignment along with another person to create from existing sources a specific company procedure. I was given this assignment directly from my manager’s boss.
Once a draft of the procedure was created, it was effectively stolen from me by my boss. He conjured up a “corrected” copy of my draft in the form of a Word file. Instead of correcting the errors, he sought to visually inflate the number of errors by using the strikethrough function along with the correction in red. This apparent show of work on his part was undermined by the fact that nearly all of them came from existing procedures that surely was copy edited by our affiliated company down south.
Afterwards, I was completely shutout of any meeting pertaining to this project, in fact, my newly-hired supervisor, less than a week on the job, was jettisoned to one of these meetings instead of me. I obtained a copy of my manager’s creation and found it nearly identical to my draft.
When I confronted him on any of these facts he sheepishly ran from me without any answers to my queries. Why would he knowingly steal my work for his own? Many have told me that this happens all the time, “That’s what bosses do.” True, but in this instance, the assignment was given directly to me and my coworker not to him and no credit was due to him.
This is a selfish, conniving and morally bankrupt person. With the presupposition that to survive at this new bank, we needed to work harder; this manager has sought to undercut my ability to succeed for his own hide. He would rather reach his much sought after retirement age on the backs of people barely surviving on wages over the poverty line than by his own merits.
My disdain for his business acumen is pervasive throughout the company. Although, an acknowledgment of some sort of guile on his part should be recognized. His complete lack of any banking knowledge or leadership has defied logic for a long time. He cannot competently perform the duties of any of his subordinates. Has squandered three opportunities to learn the companies computer system in three years. He once famously mentioning that he didn’t need to learn it.
He pays lip-service to customer service when in fact speaking to a customer amounts to the pulling of one’s teeth. He shows very little empathy towards his employees to the point where he has made comments amounting to dismay that someone would need so many days to grieve or go so far as to rush an employee off the phone when she simply called him with an update of the status of her ailing spouse.
He also displays a shocking inability to make the simplest decisions. One notorious story included asking the former CFO how to solve an argument over a new leather jacket that was supposedly commingling with another's jacket in a closet. He favors leaning on his more knowledgeable employees to such a degree that they readily feel burned out or leave the company all together.
I apologize for this analogy, but he fits the basic plot of the children’s cartoon, “Inspector Gadget”. The bumbling, robotic super agent despite his buffoonery, always solves the crime not by his own good work but unknowingly by his young niece and her dog. My manager is Inspector Gadget and his underlings are the niece and dog. His boss can cite his ability to keep delinquencies low during staff meetings, but it clearly incites animosity and anger to the highest level. It further creates a divide between the higher ups and the regular employees.
When will executives at this company realize that the teamwork that they urge and describe to their workers comes across as deeply hollow. This type of camaraderie will only occur if the workers truly trust their bosses. When they have that sense; only then will this type of teamwork begin to coalesce. I attended a staff meeting two weeks ago where the same stock rhetoric of teamwork was pushed again. If this was a football team’s locker room an outside observer would surely conclude that the coach had lost the hearts and minds of the team. There was disinterest, anger and virtual daggers being shot towards her. Might this hostile attitude be warranted? Of course.
They hear an executive continually tell them they should be scared.
“Are you scared? I’m scared. You should be scared.”
They hear that they bosses are compiling ratings on their abilities and that they are also keeping track of all their transgressions large or small. It sounds very much like an atmosphere where goodwill is no where evident. Where the future makeup of the new company has already been decided. Instead of noting an employees positives, their negatives are gathered to support their conclusion for termination. Maybe the new CEO could take some time out and briefly visit with his new employees. Few have actually met this person. Is he afraid to look into the eyes of the mother of two or the employee of 40 years knowing that their future hardship will emanate from his decisions?
Over the weekend, 5,000 employees from PeopleSoft were let go. From news accounts, it sounded like they were well informed of Oracle’s decision to make cuts. Here, any rumors are treated as dirty family secrets and swept under the rug. Are they using certain employees to bridge the gap until their vision of the new company is realized? Do they have any actual plan at all?
I quit, partly because I see a dark period in the near future. Not only would I resent a company that will let so many go in favor of feeding a leadership so inept, but I would also loathe working with a new cast of characters that would surely exhibit the type of audaciously self-serving type of personality that I so dislike.
Thanks For The Memories
My last day of work was more emotion than I thought. Many different feelings were swirling inside of me. On the surface, I knew that I was going to miss many of the people that I’ve worked with for the last four years. I’m going to miss my friend, Hugo and our insanely sophomoric lunchroom banter. The famous “Would Ya!” game will probably meet a slow death, too.
I’m going to miss my friend, Ray and his good humor with me. Not to mention, his amazing ability to break out in broadway tunes at any moment. I’m going to miss Danielle and her wry sense of humor and besides, I always knew that she would laugh at anything I would say. I thank her for that.
I’m going to miss by “brotha”, Nato from downstairs. He is, without a doubt, one of the most kindest person that I have ever met. I look forward to his kindness in the future when he invites me over for one of his amazing barbeques. Plus, he always says my mom is a “babe”.
I’m going to miss my buddy Alan and his simple but dead-on impressions of everyone in our department. Count them: “Oh, Oh, Oh, this dude...”, “Hey man! D-D-D-D-D”, “Okaaaayyy.....”, “I zont zink zo” and “Hey now...”. I wish him good luck.
Aside from saying goodbye to so many good people, leaving the bank effectively ended a tumulteous time in my life. It was at this building that I spent the last meaningful moments with my sister.
Suzie started working as a teller at the bank in October of 2001. We rode BART together every morning and frequently met for lunch. I remember being so proud that my little sister was working in the same building as I and so happy to see me two nephews visit the bank on Christmas Eve. They still remember it and continued to visit after her death.
When she died I feared a time in the future when I would move into a new life that had no connection to her whatsoever. The fear was that I would be losing a part of her. I think my decision to leave the bank and attend school will effectively end one living reminder of her. I realize it must happen sooner than later but it still saddened me.
One memory that will stick with me forever is this: On what would be the end her last day of work, I waited for her in the lobby of the bank as I typically did. We walked down the steps on Market Street that lead to the BART station underground as usual. She did something different this time. Just as we took the first step downwards, she held my hand. We were very close siblings, but grabbing my held was out of the ordinary. We walked down the stairs holding hands and have always wondered whether she sensed her demise and was thanking me.
On Friday night, I walked down the same stairs to the BART station looking towards a new life.
I’m going to miss my friend, Ray and his good humor with me. Not to mention, his amazing ability to break out in broadway tunes at any moment. I’m going to miss Danielle and her wry sense of humor and besides, I always knew that she would laugh at anything I would say. I thank her for that.
I’m going to miss by “brotha”, Nato from downstairs. He is, without a doubt, one of the most kindest person that I have ever met. I look forward to his kindness in the future when he invites me over for one of his amazing barbeques. Plus, he always says my mom is a “babe”.
I’m going to miss my buddy Alan and his simple but dead-on impressions of everyone in our department. Count them: “Oh, Oh, Oh, this dude...”, “Hey man! D-D-D-D-D”, “Okaaaayyy.....”, “I zont zink zo” and “Hey now...”. I wish him good luck.
Aside from saying goodbye to so many good people, leaving the bank effectively ended a tumulteous time in my life. It was at this building that I spent the last meaningful moments with my sister.
Suzie started working as a teller at the bank in October of 2001. We rode BART together every morning and frequently met for lunch. I remember being so proud that my little sister was working in the same building as I and so happy to see me two nephews visit the bank on Christmas Eve. They still remember it and continued to visit after her death.
When she died I feared a time in the future when I would move into a new life that had no connection to her whatsoever. The fear was that I would be losing a part of her. I think my decision to leave the bank and attend school will effectively end one living reminder of her. I realize it must happen sooner than later but it still saddened me.
One memory that will stick with me forever is this: On what would be the end her last day of work, I waited for her in the lobby of the bank as I typically did. We walked down the steps on Market Street that lead to the BART station underground as usual. She did something different this time. Just as we took the first step downwards, she held my hand. We were very close siblings, but grabbing my held was out of the ordinary. We walked down the stairs holding hands and have always wondered whether she sensed her demise and was thanking me.
On Friday night, I walked down the same stairs to the BART station looking towards a new life.
Man Fired For Online Comments
A Scottish man in Edinburgh was fired by his employer for comments made on his online blog. Joe Gordon, a bookseller, was sacked for referring to his manager as the "Evil Boss". (news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/4167629.stm)
Man, good thing I never wrote about my manager in this space...until now and after I resigned. I probably could have thought of more scathing remarks than "Evil Boss".
Man, good thing I never wrote about my manager in this space...until now and after I resigned. I probably could have thought of more scathing remarks than "Evil Boss".
Where Is The MLK Of Today?
Since I was young I've always gravitated towards Martin Luther King, Jr. In second grage, I can vividly remember being mesmerized by his "I Have a Dream" speech. His oratory, his stature and his courage never allowed me to feel outside of what I thought then as merely a black struggle for equality, but purely a just cause.
Today, I bristle at any criticism or blatant racism towards this day used to honor his life. Every year I hear the same refrain, "Why should we give this guy a holiday?" or "He only helped ten percent of the population." These comments have been pervasive at dinner tables and living rooms throughout my life. Is the notion of racial harmony anywhere closer than it was in the 1960s?
As I watch a biography of Dr. King's life I'm astonished by the depth of articulate and charismatic black leaders that surrounded the late civil rights leader. Men like Hosea Williams, Jesse Jackson and Andrew Young.
Where are the black leaders of today?
Will a man like Sen. Barack Obama invest all of his political power into Dr. King's struggle or will he apply it towards personal political gain and higher office?
Times are not any better for African-Americans today. They still can't expect their voting rights to be respected. Public policies still overtly turn a blind eye to their poverty and readily add to it.
This should be a problem of great concern for not only African-Americans but for all Americans. Sadly, Martin Luther King's dream of racial harmony is far from being reached without the rise of someone like himself.
Today, I bristle at any criticism or blatant racism towards this day used to honor his life. Every year I hear the same refrain, "Why should we give this guy a holiday?" or "He only helped ten percent of the population." These comments have been pervasive at dinner tables and living rooms throughout my life. Is the notion of racial harmony anywhere closer than it was in the 1960s?
As I watch a biography of Dr. King's life I'm astonished by the depth of articulate and charismatic black leaders that surrounded the late civil rights leader. Men like Hosea Williams, Jesse Jackson and Andrew Young.
Where are the black leaders of today?
Will a man like Sen. Barack Obama invest all of his political power into Dr. King's struggle or will he apply it towards personal political gain and higher office?
Times are not any better for African-Americans today. They still can't expect their voting rights to be respected. Public policies still overtly turn a blind eye to their poverty and readily add to it.
This should be a problem of great concern for not only African-Americans but for all Americans. Sadly, Martin Luther King's dream of racial harmony is far from being reached without the rise of someone like himself.
Sunday, January 16, 2005
Damn That 'Extreme Makeover'!
What a weekend! Friday, I encountered so many bittersweet emotions with my last day of work. Saturday, I was deeply effected by Clint Eastwood’s likely Oscar winner, “Million Dollar Baby” and Sunday spent a nice day playing cards with some of my grandmother’s friends.
But damn that “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition”! I was crying like a baby. The poor guy was accidentally shot and now is a paraplegic. His family's home a had holes in the walls from a contractor who swindled them. They built him not one, but two homes. Bo-hoo!
This show so overtly pounds away at your heart strings that it’s sickening. They couldn’t stop at just giving a deserving family a new home, but no, they had to throw the guy his own wedding, too!
I’m exhausted.
But damn that “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition”! I was crying like a baby. The poor guy was accidentally shot and now is a paraplegic. His family's home a had holes in the walls from a contractor who swindled them. They built him not one, but two homes. Bo-hoo!
This show so overtly pounds away at your heart strings that it’s sickening. They couldn’t stop at just giving a deserving family a new home, but no, they had to throw the guy his own wedding, too!
I’m exhausted.
Saturday, January 15, 2005
Jets, Vikes Upset Top Seeds
Jets over Steelers...I've got to keep dancing with the girl who brung me. My pre-season Super Bowl pick--the Jets--will upset the vaunted Steelers sterling season. Did anyone notice, last week, Jets kicker and local hero, Doug Brien has crossed eyes? Very worrisome for a kicker, eh.
Falcons over Rams...Indoors and on the carpet might help the Rams, but it will also help the great Michael Vick. A national audience will be able to witness the confindent attitude Atlanta possesses with new coach, Jim Mora. My other pre-season Super Bowl pick will advance.
Vikings over Eagles...I was completely surprised by the Vikes last week. Mike Tice's team came out the gate, amidst Randy Moss' antics and played with no worries. Philly as not played a meaningful game in three weeks nor have they played well since Terrell Owens went to down with an injury. Another hollow season is near for the Eagles.
Patroits over Colts...Will the media finally get off the Peyton Manning lovefest? This "honorable" young man is also the same who was sued for sexual harrassment when he was accused of sticking his bare bottom in the face of a female trainer. The Pats' management is using the weather to their advantages by exposing the field to the rain and snow so as to slow the Colts offense. Indy's formula of stockpiling their offense inspite of their defense will be exposed. Pats will host the AFC Championship next week.
Falcons over Rams...Indoors and on the carpet might help the Rams, but it will also help the great Michael Vick. A national audience will be able to witness the confindent attitude Atlanta possesses with new coach, Jim Mora. My other pre-season Super Bowl pick will advance.
Vikings over Eagles...I was completely surprised by the Vikes last week. Mike Tice's team came out the gate, amidst Randy Moss' antics and played with no worries. Philly as not played a meaningful game in three weeks nor have they played well since Terrell Owens went to down with an injury. Another hollow season is near for the Eagles.
Patroits over Colts...Will the media finally get off the Peyton Manning lovefest? This "honorable" young man is also the same who was sued for sexual harrassment when he was accused of sticking his bare bottom in the face of a female trainer. The Pats' management is using the weather to their advantages by exposing the field to the rain and snow so as to slow the Colts offense. Indy's formula of stockpiling their offense inspite of their defense will be exposed. Pats will host the AFC Championship next week.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
My Resignation Letter
To All:
It is my intention to resign from my position, effective January 14, 2005, to resume my education. I deeply regret the short notice of this resignation. I thank you for your understanding.
During an election, politicians like to use Ronald Reagan's old line, "Are you better off now than you were four years ago?"
My answer would be yes.
When I first started working for California Savings, my life was far less fulfilling and rewarding. My personal view of myself, today, is much more positive to the point that I can safely explore bold moves in my life.
I owe much to Linda Foss at the Montclair branch for steering me to the main office. To John Lehman for being, by far, the best boss I have ever worked under. From him, I will always value the notion that integrity, discipline, loyalty and good humor can, indeed, co-exist in the workplace. I also reserve thanks to Susan Mationg for being a strong and wise hand in convincing some doubters of my ability.
To all my co-workers, I would like to thank you all for your friendship and sincerely wish you good luck in your future endeavors. How can I forget to thank Jerry Armstrong? For nearly two years, Jerry Armstrong has delivered me a donut and the morning's newspaper. You might say he has expanded my depth of knowledge and my waistline.
Thank you,
Steven Tavares
It is my intention to resign from my position, effective January 14, 2005, to resume my education. I deeply regret the short notice of this resignation. I thank you for your understanding.
During an election, politicians like to use Ronald Reagan's old line, "Are you better off now than you were four years ago?"
My answer would be yes.
When I first started working for California Savings, my life was far less fulfilling and rewarding. My personal view of myself, today, is much more positive to the point that I can safely explore bold moves in my life.
I owe much to Linda Foss at the Montclair branch for steering me to the main office. To John Lehman for being, by far, the best boss I have ever worked under. From him, I will always value the notion that integrity, discipline, loyalty and good humor can, indeed, co-exist in the workplace. I also reserve thanks to Susan Mationg for being a strong and wise hand in convincing some doubters of my ability.
To all my co-workers, I would like to thank you all for your friendship and sincerely wish you good luck in your future endeavors. How can I forget to thank Jerry Armstrong? For nearly two years, Jerry Armstrong has delivered me a donut and the morning's newspaper. You might say he has expanded my depth of knowledge and my waistline.
Thank you,
Steven Tavares
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Bobby To Tie The Knot
Bobby proposed to Key on Christmas morning at her parents house.
They huddled around the tree to open presents while Key opened Bobby's gift. Inside was, what looked like a giant ring paper weight. She got mad and called him nasty name or phrase (this was all captured on tape) and feigned throwing it at him. I'm not sure this intended as joke, by the way. He told her to look again and she pulled out the engagement ring. How beautiful
Her father, who is Jewish, yelled out that it wasn't official until he got on one knee and proposed. And just as soon as she said yes she had the whole wedding immediately planned. It was like this:
Bobby: Will you marry me?
Key: YES!...and the wedding will be December 3, 2005. Steve will be the best man. All the bridesmaid will be wearing pink. And guys, no bow ties. You'll be wearing pink ties. Salmon and chicken will be served along with a special kosher dinner for the Fogelson Hebrew family members.
They huddled around the tree to open presents while Key opened Bobby's gift. Inside was, what looked like a giant ring paper weight. She got mad and called him nasty name or phrase (this was all captured on tape) and feigned throwing it at him. I'm not sure this intended as joke, by the way. He told her to look again and she pulled out the engagement ring. How beautiful
Her father, who is Jewish, yelled out that it wasn't official until he got on one knee and proposed. And just as soon as she said yes she had the whole wedding immediately planned. It was like this:
Bobby: Will you marry me?
Key: YES!...and the wedding will be December 3, 2005. Steve will be the best man. All the bridesmaid will be wearing pink. And guys, no bow ties. You'll be wearing pink ties. Salmon and chicken will be served along with a special kosher dinner for the Fogelson Hebrew family members.
Monday, January 10, 2005
My iTunes Playlist (Jan. 10)
Here's a list of my recent iTunes downloads and what's playing in my CD player:
1 Monkey to Man-Elvis Costello
2 Let's Dance-David Bowie
3 Modern Love-David Bowie
4 Much Too Late for Goodbyes-Julian Lennon
5 Valotte-Julian Lennon
6 Baby, It's Tonight-Jude Cole
7 Come on Eileen-Dexy's Midnight Runners
8 Eye of the Tiger-Survivor
9 Heat Is On-Glenn Frey
10 Dreamtime-Daryl Hall
11 Ghostbusters-Ray Parker, Jr
12 Sea of Love-Honeydrippers
13 Mack the Knife-Bobby Darin
14 Beyond the Sea-Bobby Darin
1 Monkey to Man-Elvis Costello
2 Let's Dance-David Bowie
3 Modern Love-David Bowie
4 Much Too Late for Goodbyes-Julian Lennon
5 Valotte-Julian Lennon
6 Baby, It's Tonight-Jude Cole
7 Come on Eileen-Dexy's Midnight Runners
8 Eye of the Tiger-Survivor
9 Heat Is On-Glenn Frey
10 Dreamtime-Daryl Hall
11 Ghostbusters-Ray Parker, Jr
12 Sea of Love-Honeydrippers
13 Mack the Knife-Bobby Darin
14 Beyond the Sea-Bobby Darin
Friday, January 07, 2005
Rams, Jets Win On Upset Saturday
Rams over Seahawks...Wow! The playoffs open with two undeserving participants. Who deserves it less? Seattle does. The Rams have too much firepower for the 'Hawks. Will this be Mike Holmgren's last game in Sea-town? If so, don't bet on seeing Wilford Brimley with a headset manning the sideline next year in San Fran.
Jets over Chargers... N.Y. completes Saturday's sweep by the visiting team. How many times in sports do you see a franchise like San Diego quickly vault to the top from nowhere only to stumble in the playoffs and just as quickly bring its fans and aspirations down to earth. Besides, the Jets are my pre-season Super Bowl champs.
Packers over Vikings...Minny will lose its third game to the Pack and it probably costs head coach, Mike Tice his job. The media loves to turn NFL head coaches into Einstein-like geniuses. In acutality they're nothing more than glorified P.E. teachers. I bring this up because Tice looks like the dopiest-looking coach I've ever seen. As for the game, blah, blah, blah, Brett Favre works his magic, again.
Colts over Broncos...The Battle of the Horsies will be a blowout for Indy. The speedy Colts indoors, at home, and on a speedy track will be too much for Denver. The rat-faced coach of the Broncos, Mike Shanahan will return next season despite another early playoff exit.
Jets over Chargers... N.Y. completes Saturday's sweep by the visiting team. How many times in sports do you see a franchise like San Diego quickly vault to the top from nowhere only to stumble in the playoffs and just as quickly bring its fans and aspirations down to earth. Besides, the Jets are my pre-season Super Bowl champs.
Packers over Vikings...Minny will lose its third game to the Pack and it probably costs head coach, Mike Tice his job. The media loves to turn NFL head coaches into Einstein-like geniuses. In acutality they're nothing more than glorified P.E. teachers. I bring this up because Tice looks like the dopiest-looking coach I've ever seen. As for the game, blah, blah, blah, Brett Favre works his magic, again.
Colts over Broncos...The Battle of the Horsies will be a blowout for Indy. The speedy Colts indoors, at home, and on a speedy track will be too much for Denver. The rat-faced coach of the Broncos, Mike Shanahan will return next season despite another early playoff exit.
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