LFR Endores Kerry in Iraqi Elections

We are told that this is a "historic" day in Iraq. The first free elections in a generation. Apparently, before the price of elections were two goats, your hands, semi-naked pictures of Phyllis Diller, a six-pack of Tab and Anne Murray's Greatest Hits.

Surprisingly, John Kerry's name is one of the 8,000 names on the ballot. It's not clear whether this is actually the senator from Massuchusetts, but an Iraqi group named "Camel Riding Veterans for the Truth" have charged Kerry with faking wounds inflicted by the Babylonians during the war in Mesopotamia.

In the days leading to elections in Iraq there were worries that the Sunni minority would boycott the vote. In a turn of events that have baffled election officials, reports are trickling in that African-Americans are being denied access to polling places in Southern Iraq. Said Loretta Jackson of Tuscaloosa, Alabama: "Oh, no, this shit ain't happening to me again!"

There's is no evidence of any link to the six (Update: by the end of the day there were nine)suicide bombings that have occured in Baghdad today, but it does show how far Iraqis have to go until they become a true democracy.

According to the Iraqi bureau of the Nielsen TV ratings firm, Iraqis just don't get it. Far less Iraqis are expecting to vote in the upcoming finals of the hit singing competition, Iraqi Idol, than in today's vote.

The president of Nielsen, Bill Johnson said, "Until Iraqis feel comfortable enough with national elections that they can pay more attention to a big, fat guy and an androgynous human being only then will they be swindled properly by their leaders."

Other Iraqi Elections thoughts: How far has war profiteering gone in Iraq. It seems that even Tupperware has a stake in the war. Have you notice the big plastic ballot boxes on television? Come on! How are those things sealed? When you hear the burp you know you can proceed with rigging the vote.