SF Chronicle Reports LFR Curse

Did Nancy Gay's article in the San Francisco Chronicle unwittingly stumble upon my Doug Gabriel curse, December 16th?

Referring to Gabriel's lone highlight catch against the Steelers and the subsequent drought that followed:

"It was his greatest play this season. It also proved to be something of a curse."

Curse? Could she be possibly referring to my July 21, 2004 post entitled, "The Curse of the Portugee"? As much as I would love to take credit for ruining his season just as I put Yankees' second baseman, Chuck Knoblauch's career in shambles in 1997, I can't. Gabriel's quotes are somewhat disconcerning and fit the profile of the party animal that I know.

The article, in fact, reveals someone over-his-head as a starting wide receiver in the NFL, especially after the departure of Jerry Rice in October. Said Gabriel, "More plays. Different plays. Different routes. My book is little thicker now. Was he talking about his playbook or his little black book. Was, what I thought, a 3am booty call actually Doug practicing his receiving routes?

Leave The Game Barry

Sound the alarms. Our national pastime is near the point of irreparable harm.

We all could deduce that Jason Giambi like Gary Sheffield, Ken Caminiti, Mark McGwire and Jose Canseco used steroids. Anyone could easily analyze the evidence logically. The sudden increase in production, the eventual increase in niggling injuries and the subsequent decrease in production and not to mention having accused steroid vendors as acquaintances.

This leads us to the apocalyptic question for the game. The question, that if answered positively, could only be rivaled in the damage it sustains on the game by the 1919 Black Sox scandal--Did Barry Bonds use steroids in his run-up to breaking the all-time home run record?

Barry Bonds must not be allowed to pass Babe Ruth’s 714 homeruns or break Henry Aaron’s Major League record 755 homers. These are hollowed records in baseball history. A ubiquitous asterisk must not be placed in the record books.

In practical terms, what can be done? Really, nothing. Bonds has neither admitted nor been formally accused of using illegal performance-enhancing drugs. All the circumstantial evidence points to him, though. It’s highly unlikely that Commissioner Bud Selig will intervene on the matter. He’s been complicit to the entire reworking of Bonds’ public persona during his run to 755. He’s chosen to ignore any steroid issue when it pertains to Bonds and will continue, at least, until the courts intervene.

A federal judge in San Francisco is contemplating holding evidentiary hearings on the four defendants involved in the BALCO case in January. This may be the arena where evidence of steroids use on Bonds’ behalf become known.

Could we imagine a scenario in the coming weeks where Bonds hangs up his cleats and settles for third on the all-time homers list? There are many convenient excuses that one could conjure. He’ s burned out. He’s old (he has already begun to use this line last season), maybe the fun isn’t in the game since his father died last year or the old “I want to spend more time with family” schtick.

Leave his records as they are now as long as he leaves the game today. It is about time that Barry Bonds is revealed as the most morally corrupt athlete of our time. Given that he is already vilified by nearly everyone but Giants’ fans, he has nevertheless been able to duck the criticism that he truly deserves.

He was already one of the game’s greatest power hitters. He needed more? He needed to obliterate all the game’s most famous marks and do it fraudulently? He’s nothing more than a greedy, petulant, egomaniacal Giant.

Be Wary of Jason Kendall

The A's traded spare parts in pitchers, Mark Redman and Arthur Rhodes to acquire the Pirates rugged-faced catcher, Jason Kendall, last week.

My complaint with some of Billy Beane's acquisitions is that he never seems to acquire what I refer to as "Men". Players who play the game aggressively, get their uniform dirty and create a fiery atmosphere on the diamond. Boston has a load of these players. Guys like Trot Nixon, Jason Varitek and Kevin Millar and look what happened to the BoSox.

It isn't always about finances because none of these players mentioned command large salaries or are really all-stars caliber performers. Beane definitely added a large dose of grit to the 2005 A's with this deal.

Last season, Beane brought in some "Men" to the A's roster. Mark Kotsay and Damian Miller. Alas, the year that "Men" populated the roster was also the year the A's failed to make the playoffs for the first time in five years. What do I know.

Our friends at AthleticsNation.com are falling over the idea of Kendall in green and gold, I think we should be wary of this type of praise for a guy who is never mentioned as one of the game's best catchers.

Regardless of what others think, you can pencil Kendall at the top of the order followed by Mark Kotsay. Kotsay has indicated that he feels more comfortable batting second.

It is true that Kendall will get himself on base at a high rate, while he isn't the most accomplished baserunner since hurting his ankle in 1999, he isn't required to tear up the basepaths in Oakland's inexact philosophy of station-to-station baseball.

Kendall's positives:
>>Good, spray-hitting contact hitter
>>High OBP
>>Hits consistently against LHP/RHP, Home/Away and 1st/2nd half of the season.
>>Strikes out infrequently
>>Overall, he should improve playing on a winner.
>>He's a "Man"

Kendall's negatives:
>>Average signal-caller
>>Average defensively
>>Catching duties beginning to erode once stellar basespeed
>>Trades power for contact
>>Might make a cute couple with Barry Zito

Many are focusing on the added offense that Kendall might bring to the A's, but last season's squad had few problems scoring runs and actually hit for the highest team average in Oakland history. Kendall average defensive abilities might be problematic over a long season.

I was never a huge fan of Ramon Hernandez. I saw him as the epitome of the feeble-minded A's that squandered playoff chances four straight years. You need your best baseball mind behind the plate. The catcher controls the game. Will Kendall, like Hernandez, be throwing outrageously wild throws to second at the most inopportune time or will his mental breakdowns be more subtle like that of the outgoing catcher, Damian Miller.

As for calling pitches, Kendall worries me again. Many faulted the decline of the A's pitching on pitching coach, Curt Young. The pitchers were very familiar with Young since he was a roving minor league instructor for the A's. They didn't know Damian Miller.

Overall, the key to maximizing Kendall might lie in whether Kotsay can replicate his stellar 2004 season. Both are similar players and should compliment each other at the top of the order. My gut says that Kotsay had a career year at the plate, but his near-Gold Glove worthy patrol of centerfied will still benefit the A's.

Let's not get too excited about Kendall. We need more heft in the middle of the order. Besides, he's been under the radar to many fans, so many have a limited knowledge of him. He's also been on the trading block in Pittsburgh for over two years. Lastly, Beane acquired him for two chumps and a six-pack of Molson.

I will cringe if someone coins the nickname, "J-Ken".

Correction to Torture Story

The fifth bullet posted below, referring to American soldiers snapping pornographic photos of prisoner occurred at the Abu Ghraib prison in Baghdad not Camp X-Ray at Guantanamo Bay.

Also: Tuesday's main editorial in the New York Times Op/Ed section further condemned the U.S. interrogation policies in Cuba, but added that the report mentions the level of complaints dropped from 2003 to 2004. Why? Because starting this year female interrogators began exposing their breast to inmates and distributing pornography to gain information.

My guess is when chicks are flashing battle-hardened prisoners of war who haven't seen a woman in months, if not, years; you might gain too much information. I'm willing to bet drawings of Princess Jasmine from the movie Alladin would reveal the location of Osama in a second to these guys.

Joining al-Qaeda suddenly became very American.

Red Cross Definition Of Torture Fits All

A report out today flatly says that the U.S. government tortured inmates detained in Guantanamo Bay. Among the findings from the Red Cross was that the U.S. instituted a systematic form of psychological torture by:

>>Denying inmates information of their fates
>>Forced them to perform humiliating acts
>>Solitary confinement
>>Subjecting inmates to extreme temperatures
>>Oh, yeah, that little thing about having crazed American soldiers taking homo-erotic pictures of you on top of other inmantes.

The Red Cross also defined the use of torture as:

"If an interrogator knows that severe pain will result from his actions, if causing such harm is not his objective, he lacks the requisite specific intent even though the defendant did not act in good faith. Instead, a defendant is guilty of torture only if he acts with the express purpose of inflicting server pain or suffering on a person whitin his control."

Hello, Red Cross, have you ever thought to visit my job!

Talk about being in the dark about my fate. I've been doing my former supervisor's job and another including my own, thinking my hard-charging attitude will get me the job. The job was posted last month and I just interviewed for it last week. C'mon, Red Cross! What's my fate? Will I continue to nothing while faking an avalanche of work or while I succeed and continue doing nothing and have little need to conceal it? Oh, yeah, don't forget the perk of extra-long lunches, too.

Humiliating acts? How about sitting in the lunch room across from an old lady who feels the need to "air herself out", you know, sit in manner more befitting a man wearing jeans not a septangenerian wearing a dress. Red Cross, help me out! How do I eat my sandwich without noticing a clear shot down Broadway, mind you; a very gentrified Main Street.

Solitary confinement, well, drop that one, Red Cross. I never stay in my office long enough for it to count as confinement. The longest time I'm in solitary confinement at the workplace is when I bring the front page of the New York Times into the restroom.

Temperature changes? I work in a 98-year-old building in San Francisco. The beast withstood two major earthquakes in its history. Because it was well built, right? No, because it's actually an eight-story ice cube. I've probably spent my entire years salary just on the electric bill due to my desk heater running eight hours a day on its highest setting. It's not pretty working with a bunch of old ladies in frigid conditions. Instead of thinking, "Hey, it must be cold. Hey, did you drop some Skittles down you shirt?" Here, it's more like, "Hey, old woman, did you drop your entire container of prescription drugs down your blouse?"

I'm Getting Old

Down the decades every year
Summer leaves and my birthday's here
And all my friends stand up and cheer
And say man you're old
Getting old
--lyrics from "Old" by Paul Simon.

I've learned only one thing since I turned 30; being old isn't about how you feel but how you view the world. It takes years to amass a certain degree of knowledge and usually the only people who can comprehend the scope of your wisdom is another equally old person.

Yesterday, we threw a surprise 75th birthday for grandmother. She's as lively and spry as I've remembered her all my life. It was some of her friends that I had grown up listening to and joking with that suddenly seemed so old. It was the men, namely, who didn't seem to be aging as gracely as their wives. Granted, these people are in their late 60s and 70s now so they were already "old and gray" when I was, say, 10. It saddened me to see some of them beginning to slow down.

On the way to the party, I teased my grandmother that Portuguese people are lazy. She laughed and said, "Oh, you sound like Camara". Apparently, my grandmother's friend, who is also Portuguese claims that our people are the most inefficient workers in Europe.

Growing up, I always thought Camara was his first name. Actually, his name is Manuel. Camara is his last name. Since I was very young, I always loved talking to Camara. He always took the time to ask me about school, the A's or whatever was going on in the world. He seemed to have such of rich memory of how things you use to be. What factory use be there and what restaurant use to be here. Facts that only come with experience and not from a textbook. I think I'm beginning to gain some of that experience.

It came to me, not as anything important, but from baseball. The ballot for next years baseball Hall of Fame was released today and I can clearly recall every single ballplayers' career in my mind. I'm getting old.

When I was 12, I thought Wade Boggs was immortal. It was superhuman to me, at that age, that Boggs rarely swung and missed let alone never struck out. I use to imitate Don Mattingly's crouched stance and quick stroke many times in Little League games.

I sat in the bleachers at the Coliseum many times in the summer of 1986 watching a rookie catcher named Terry Steinbach become a staple of pennant-winning A's teams. Tony Phillips even lived in Castro Valley for a time before he became one of the most versatile players of his era.

I use to have a Steve Garvey poster in my room for years. I watched pitchers that specialized in one wicked pitch like Burt Blyleven with his curveball and Tom Candiotti with his knuckleball. Willie McGee was one of the best slap hitters of the 80s, if not, one of the goofiest-looking athletes in both his physique and facial features.

Before there was baseball on the tube every night, there was either the A's, Giants or the Braves on cable. I watched Dale Murphy nearly everyday in the summer. Watched him win two MVP's and still wonder if he was really that good. Jim Rice seemed so angry and still and struckout a lot.

I'm getting old. Soon I'm going to be like Camara telling Sean and Luke about how some new amusement park in Fremont use to be the NUMMI auto plant or how the Uncle Richard use to take me to the Coliseum on Hegenberger instead of the new park in Santa Clara. I also repeat myself now and then.

After my grandmother finished opening her presents I overheard Camara in a huddle of his friends say, "You know the Portuguese are the laziest people. I'll get you the article the next time I see you."

Athletes Should Know Better

Wow!

My heart is still racing from tonight's Pacers-Pistons game. A bar-room brawl between players and fans broke out with less than a minute to play in Detroit.

With the Pistons down by 15, Detroit's Ben Wallace took offense to a hard foul from Indiana's Ron Artest. Wallace simultaneously choked and shoved Artest towards the sideline. Pushing and shoving ensued as Artest lie on the scorers table. Just as the game officials nearly had order restored, a fan approached Artest and poured liquid on him.

Artest, of course, trying to emulate his newfound gangster rap persona, quickly charged into the stands at the Palace of Auburn HIlls. Several other Pacers joined Artest as punches and more liquids were thrown. One unidentified Pacer is seen bing pummelled by a large, haymaker-throwing fan.

As the Pacers left the court, numerous fans were seen pouring large quantities of beer and cola on the players as the players ran under the stands to the locker room. The question is this: Why did so many Pistons' fans have so much beer and cola left in their cups with one-minute to play?

This was easily the most horrific and bizarre sight that I have ever seen watching sports. On many instances, the scenes on the television seemed surreal, as if you were about to witness someone either killed or severely hurt live on your screen. Now America can talk about a problems in sports and society more riveting and plausible than last Monday's Monday Night Football female bareback.

Coupled with the somewhat similar fight that occurred at the Coliseum last season when the Texas Rangers' reliever Frank Francisco hit a woman in the stands, there needs to be a dialogue over who's to blame for these actions.

ESPN's studio team covering the NBA will apparently be no help in this discussion. After the fight, anchor John Saunders, Stephen A. Smith and former players, Greg Anthony and Tim Legler quickly sided with the players. Of course, do you think these players have no lingering animosity towards fans who yelled, cursed or booed them throughout their careers?

Saunders even threw professionalism to the wind when he said, "These fans are a bunch of punks." The stodgy ESPN crew entirely blamed the so-called "cowardly" fans who threw debris at the players.

Does all the fault really belong to the fans?

The offending Pacers that raced into the stands looked like the same street criminals that I could have seen running around East Oakland. The only difference is that these guys are million dollar gangsters, driving the same Escalade and sporting the same gaudy gold jewelry and possessing the same lack of intelligence that any high-profile drug dealer might have.

ESPN claims that Artest was calm and innocently lying on the scorers table while the refs sorted everything out. To me, it looked like he was scared and choose to act in a petulant manner as if to say, "No worry." He was just showing the same cocky attitude that led him to ask for a break from basketball to promote his new rap CD.

Professional athletes, are, of course, far from street thugs or gangsters. They possess extraordinary skills that have been honed throught hard work sprinkled with a bit of God-given talent. Few people can do what they do, thus they are paid huge amounts of money for their scarce talents. Children look up to these men, though. They are meant to be pillars of their community. Their importance to a region cannot be quantified. What value does the fact that someone like Joe Montana is so identified with the Bay Area or Cal Ripken, Jr. is to the Baltimore area?

Fans pay for these guys salary for godsake! Should the Pacers just sit there and let the fans abuse them? Unless some bodily harm is exacted, yes. Ron Artest should have known better, but, of course, as we've seen with his antics and stupid comments, he's shown no evidence that he's capable of acting like anything near a good citizen or even someone that should be released from his straight jacket.

Lum Lum

Ever wonder what people are really thinking in their little minds? Last Monday, I was thinking, "Lady! I hardly know you!" And other times, do you ever wonder what the hell people are saying out loud?

I went for my first manicure and pedicure last Monday. Two words to describe it (or multiples of two for added emphasis): Sooo Gooood, Sooo Goood, Sooo Goood.

Man, I'm telling you, who lives their life to cut somebody else's toe nails and give hand massagies?

The establishment, located on Grand Avenue was actually pretty nice. Fairly new vibrating chair connected to small water basin with water jets at the base. Two Vietnamese woman, one short and stubby took her place at my feet while a more seasoned, thin woman worked on my fingernails.

The woman at my feet had this excited manner that led me to believe she was happy to be touching a young man's feet instead of the feet of some old, broken-down Piedmont wannabe socialite. The other woman gave me the impression that she also specialized in "extra service", as in, "Do you want extra service? Put it on yo' credy card."

At one point, she put lotion on my hand and wrist and began quickly, I mean, very quickly, stroking my fingers. I didn't turn me on, so much as made me wonder, "she could probably charge a lot for extra service."

It's funny when you go to these nail places and hair salons, the Asian workers seem to have nothing to say until they start cutting your hair or filing your nails. The joint was dead silent until we walked in and the four women jumped to their feet. Suddenly, it was as if Jackie Chan just walked in.

What are they saying? Are they talking about us? Their cackling throaty-sounding language reverberated off the tacky poster resembling Chinese landscapes on black suede.

"bang glan glum, glam, lum, lum, lum, lum!"

In fact, the word or phrase, "lum, lum" seemed to be uttered numerous times.

Were they talking about my ass? Where they commenting on my impressive fingernails?

For instance, "Lookie, at this man's sweet ass!"

"Lum, lum", as in "yes, yes!"

I must say that I do know know some Vietnamese. "Dien kum" is "Are you crazy?" "Dun la" is "Don't worry about it" and "Ko gai dep" is "pretty girl".

So I went to work the next day to learn what "lum, lum" might be. Tuyet and Hoang are a Vietnamese couple that work with me at the Bank. Tuyet is the one who taught me some of these little sayings that I can easily mix with English sentences. She's on jury duty this week. Unfortunately, I asked her husband to translate.

Once I asked him what "dun la" meant.

He said what? "Dun la?"

Yeah, "Dun la".

Oh, "dun laaaa", that means "don't worry about it."

I said, "Are you kidding me, man? That's what I just said."

"No, you said 'dun la'"

"I know, you said 'dun la', too."

"No, I said 'dun laaaa'."

Whatever.

Anyway, "lum lum" means "pick it up".

Lunatic Of The Week-Michael Phelps

He's All Ears
Originally uploaded by wonderbread74.

[Ed. Note: I began writing about this week's Lunatic of the Week before the news of Indiana Pacers' forward Ron Artest. A few days ago Artest announced he needed a few days off from basketball because he was exhausted from recording a rap album. No doubt he would have received the prestigious Golden Straight Jacket instead of Ears McGee over here.]

You might remember U.S. Olympian, Michael Phelps, when he was the wholesome teenager winning seven gold medals at the Athens Games.

The 19 year old, big-earred, swimmer was arrested Nov. 4 for drunken-driving and he's sorry about.

That is, his sponsors that pay him millions of dollars, are sorry; actually scared stiff that their investment in this golden boy may sink.

The point isn't that he was driving drunk or even that he was drinking heavily while underaged, but don't parade yourself around for a halftime show at a NFL game and then huddle around some kids a few days later to regret your indiscretion.

Just a few days after the arrest, Phelps appeared at halftime of a Baltimore Ravens game. Boy, did he look like he was having a blast decked out in the same jersey that fellow criminals, Ray Lewis and Jamal Lewis, also wear.

Apparently, his sponsors, namely Visa, PowerBar and Speedo scrambled for some way to protect their investment. Bring in the kids!

Phelps showed up at a local Boys & Girls Club in to tell the 10-year old kids that they shouldn't drink and drive.

Said Phelps: "Going up there and talking about the mistake, it was definitely one of the hardest things I've ever done. ... It was extremely hard to stand in front of kids who I let down, who looked up to me."

17-year old Kerri Taylor said "You could feel his emotion and his sincerity. It wasn't just a front. ... You could see that he regretted it so much."

Yeah, I bet he does. Especially when the credit card and ass floss-like aquatic apparel companies ditch him for another Dumbo-looking albatross.

Blame This Man And Then Yourself

Gavin Newsom
Originally uploaded by wonderbread74.

Is it fair to blame Gavin Newsom for John Kerry's defeat last week? Yes, it is.

Let me begin by saying that I believe San Francisco Mayor, Gavin Newsom to be one of the most courageous and progressive politicians in this country. I also believe that his decision to bring the conversation of gay marriage to America's consciousness to be appropriate and even just.

It was the right thing to do but it cost us this election and that is the dilemma that liberals will have to face in the next four years. How can we win over an electorate that is so morally bankrupt and still uphold the basic tenets of progressive liberalism?

The faces of Americans in red states from Montana to Alabama blushed an uncomfortable shade of pink and then crimson red from anger seeing streams of gays and lesbian couples getting hitched on their television sets.

Do we sell our souls out to win the White House? As a liberal, the inclusion of all Americans is something I hold dear. The electorate has spoken and votes cast indicate homophobia and the denial of civil rights to a group of people is what they want.

Can we come up with a candidate who can sweep the issue into the closet much like Kerry did with the gun issue or be doomed to another four years absent the executive branch? Of course, so much can happen from now to 2008. Who could have imagined George W. Bush's political strength in 2004 would have been unwaverng leadership when he defeated Al Gore?

I firmly believe that, just as today, many find it unbelievable that blacks were forced to drink from separate drinking fountains and sit in the back of the bus as late as the 1960's. A generation from now, people will find it hard to fathom that gay rights were overwhelmingly discounted by so many in 2004.

Birthday Wishes To Jay Tray

catch
Originally uploaded by wonderbread74.

Happy Birthday, bro. Did you think I would forget? Of course not, my birthday is too close to be so forgetful.

Anyway, here's my salute to you:

By defintion, one's birthday is the single day when everyone should dote over you, buy you dinner and bring you gifts. I'm sure you've enjoyed all of these things, but since everything has been about you today, let's talk about me!

John Deere presents "Great Moments in Jason's Life":

The year was 1991 and as the fall season was quickly turning the early evening breeze into a cold chill there stood on a field of dreams Jason and I.

Jason, like a modern-day Babe Ruth--well, maybe his sister--smacked fly balls to me in left field. Most were catchable, lazy flyballs, except for one majestic blast that would live in the memories of sports fans forever.

As if in slow motion, Jason soft-tossed the baseball in front of him. Pulled his hands back and stepped forward into the ball while pivoting his hips with such ferocious torque that I was sure he had torn some sort of reproductive organ.

The ball jumped off his bat with a high and regal arc that led everyone to be believe it was gone.

I quickly read the trajectory of the ball and raced towards the fence. As I reached the dirt warning track, I stuck my right hand out to estimate how close I was to the chain-link fence.

To my surprise, the ball must have been batted down by the wind because it was just about a foot over the fence. I leapt and intercepted the ball just as it passed over the fence. I stole a homerun from Jason.

After that day, Jason's Dad took to kicking him instead of their dog. The constant snickering and repeated replays on SportsCenter forced Jason to relocate to New Mexico for most of the 90's before returning to California a few years back. It wasn't until I "let" him beat me seven straight games in billiards that our friendship was rekindled.

The accompanied picture comes the annual recreation of "The Catch" that the Castro Valley Chamber of Commerce holds every year.

Happy Birthday, Jason.

So Far No Ohioans Have Voted For Buchanan

Payback is a...well, you know.

In Ohio, the Kerry campaign seems bent on not repeating any mistakes that Gore made four years ago in Florida. Kerry seems prepared to make all the legal challenges as quickly as possible. He definitely will not concede this race for days and a state-wide recount seems likely.

The race now is for Bush to be able to claim victory before the clock runs out like he successfully achieved in 2000. The perception of victory will easily grease the path to another term.

At this point, Bush cannot really claim victory without winning another state. With a disputed Ohio he has 269 electoral votes. If other battleground states like New Mexico and Iowa are too close to call, might the Kerry team use litigation to stymie any offical call to Bush's column?

Demos Make Ohio Secy. of State Their Biatch

Do you think the Democrats are putting the screws to the Ohio Secretary of State, Nate Blackwell? I saw him on CNN saying there were over 250,000 provisional ballots to be counted in the Buckeye state.

ABC Radio reported that Blackwell revised the number to around 72,000. At a press conference just a half hour ago, he said that he didn't know how many were still outstanding but assured everyone that, in essence, that Ohio will not be another Florida.

What Happened?

What happened to the youth vote and what happened to the war on terror being on the electorate's mind? These are two things that are unacceptable.

As I think about it, most of the 18-29 year olds that I know sit around and play video games all day. What was I thinking? Obviously the threat of conscription was not worth standing in line for an hour.

So much for this election being a referendum on the war in Iraq. Incredibly, exit polls are ranking morality over the economy and terrorism. This, if stands, will be my rallying point for the next four years. I can accept almost any argument in favor of voting for Bush or any Republican, but do not tell me Bush's perceived morality, bigotry towards homosexuals and whether a woman deserves the right to control her own body trumps whether we can lead the world or guarantee a safe and healthy life for our citizens.

I must tell you all that I'm not angry or really disappointed over the possible loss in this election. This is one of those times when everything seems very clear to me. Things are not right and I'm one of the few who need to fix it. Give me twenty years and I'll do it.

Columnist Tells the Truth; Then Quits

What a way to go. Newsday’s longtime columnist, the irascible Jimmy Breslin, apparently wrote his last column today. It was titled, "I'm right -- again. So I quit. Beautiful."

After twenty years writing columns for three New York papers, Breslin seems to be the only person other than the LFR predicting an easy victory today.

Here’s are some of Breslin’s last shots:

The reporters said the nation was divided. They were afraid to say anything that might upset this view. You've been had by the news industry. Not once, even after the first debate when Kerry scored a technical knockout, did they take a step and call it as it happened.

Breslin also took a heavy shot at the exclusion of cell phone user (young people) in the polling methodologies.

So you were getting CBS/New York Times polls proclaimed as most important and real. One hundred seventy million cell phones and you don't poll one of them. The polls they are pushing at you in the news magazines, on the networks, in the big papers, are such cheap, meaningless, blatant lies, that some of these television stations should have their licenses challenged.

Remember, Breslin knows a thing about losers (Bush). He famously covered the 1962 New York Mets expansion baseball team that is widely regarded as the worst team ever.

What To Look For on Election Day

THE STORYLINE: Election 2004 will be remembered as the year when the not only younger people revived their interests in the issues but also first time voters. A mandate will be reached for Sen. John Kerry because of this group. This election was always a referendum on the war in Iraq and America found the wisdom to separate its folly from their fears of terrorism.

TURNOUT HIGH: High turnout always helps the Democrats and an 8-10% increase in voter participation would go far in tipping the election to Kerry. Many pundits have wondered if the new voters will actually show up to the polls. The question has already been answered if you look at the high early voting turnout. It is estimated that already 1 in 5 ballots have already been cast. If you look at Florida where I believe the enthusiam and anger over the 2000 election has been ignored by many pollsters.

END OF THE POLLING FIRMS: Could this be the end of how polling companies perform their craft? All the polls have failed to account for the new voters in their calculations. When the Zogby polling firm finally accounted for younger voters with cell phones, the verdict was overwhelmingly in Kerry's favor, 55-40. These numbers are eerily similar to the numbers that voters 18-30 are showing. Among other reasons, this is how Kerry will gain a mandate tomorrow with over 51% of the electorate.

YOUR VOTE STILL COUNTS IN CALI: "Your vote doesn't matter," says many in California. This line of thought is straight out of the state's Republican party. In reality, your vote is very important in gaining your candidate a mandate in the popular vote. Without over 50% of the vote, a candidate shouldn't be able to claim the masses approved of his plans in the next four years. Bush failed to win a mandate or even the popular vote yet his adminstration acted like it for four years.

BUSH STUCK AT 48%: At this stage of the game an incumbent's final numbers usually indicate his final numbers on election day. In most polls today, 48% is the highest figure that Bush garnered. With turnout high and saturated with Democrats this number may even be inflated.

KERRY WINS BIG 3: It was said that 2 of 3 states including Pennsylvania, Ohio and Florida will be enough to win the White House. Pennsylvania is definitely in Kerry's column. Florida will be Jeb Bush-proof because of high turnout and the fact that the Bush adminstrations hand picked Cuban-American candidate for Senator is in a gunfight with a lesser known candidate, Betty Castor. Possible shenanigans will evolve from Ohio; notably Cleveland, but it also will go Democratic by nights end. Because Ohio does not identify between party affiliations, it is hard to know who has the upper hand. We do know that Ohio has lost many jobs and registeration has gone through the roof. Again, high turnout and high registration typically shows a "throw the bums out" attitude from the electorate.

ARKANSAS TRAVELER: Of all the southern states, Arkansas is the only one with any sort of Democratic party. Polls last week showed it tightening up and the DNC sent Bill Clinton there yesterday. Bush strategist, Karl Rove mentioned in the NY Times Monday that he purposely baited the Kerry team down to Arkansas to spend some money and time. HA HA! Did he really or might this be the first big story of election day. Election guarantee: If at 4pm pacific time, the polls begin to highlight a possible upset in Arkansas; pop the champagne bottles.

BAD NEWS FOR DEMOS: Despite problems with the Native American population in South Dakota, Republican John Thune will upset Senate Minority leader, Tom Daschle. The Democrats will not take over the Senate, either. Who will be the next minority leader? Word is Sen. Harry Reid of nearby Nevada will be picked. Known as a moderate in the Senate, Reid probably won't be much better than the lackadaisical Daschle.

Kerry To Win 304-234

America this is how I believe the election will shakedown tomorrow:

KERRY:
CA 55, OR 7, WA 11, NM 5, HI 4, MN 10, WI 10, MI 17, IL 21, OH 20, PA 21, NY 31, NJ 15, VT 3, NH 4, MA 12, RI 4, CT 7, DE 3, MD 10, DC 3, FL 27 >>>>Total 304.

BUSH:
NV 5, AZ 10, ID 4, UT 5, CO 9, TX 34, WY 3, MT 3, ND 3, SD 3, NE 5, KS 6, OK 7, LA 9, AR 6, MO 11, IA 7, IN 11, KY 8, TN 11, MS 6, AL 9, GA 15, SC 8, NC 15, WV 5, VA 13>>>>Total 234.

Popular Vote:
KERRY 51%
BUSH 47%
NADER 2%
OTHERS 0%

Osama bin Laden Endorses Nader

In a new tape from Osama bin Laden, the leader of the al-qaeda terrorist organization endorsed Ralph Nader for President.

The Saudi born mastermind of the 9/11 said, “Your security is not in the hands of Kerry or Bush or al-Qaida. Your security is in Mr. Ralph Nader.”

This came as no surprise to many political analysts since Nader, being of Lebanese descent, was the only candidate of any Middle Eastern ancestry.

Later in the taped video, bin Laden inexplicably voiced displeasure with the Red Sox first World Series victory in 86 years.

“Fuck, man! I had twenty on St. Louis!”, he continued, “Edmonds and Rolen went 1-for-30 in the series, man! May their first-born male suckle the hairy tit of Ronald McDonald, my friend."

Homeland Security Chief, Tom Ridge announced no intention of raising the color-coded terrorist alert to orange in the cities of Boston or St. Louis.

Jay Tray is Missing

Kick his ass, Seabass!
Originally uploaded by wonderbread74.

With apologies to Rodney Dangerfield, but "the last time I saw a woman that ugly she had a hook in her lip!"

This is Jason Tracey, the self-proclaimed "All Day Jay Tray, pictured on the right. Has anyone seen him? He hasn't written a blog since August 23rd.

I'm feeling a bit like Ross Perot lately. Why? I've been touting this underground revolution known as the Wonderbread Blogging Network and like Perot's near defunct Reform Party; the Network is crumbling.

I'm asking everyone to contact Jason and encourage him to continue writing. Here's his contacts:

>>1-800-I've Got A Girlfriend And I'm Whupped or
>>www.I'mhalfthemanIusetobe.org or
>>jaytray.blogspot.com or leave a message on this posting.

LFR Endorsements

>>>State & National
President..........John Kerry/John Edwards
U.S. Senator.....Barbara Boxer

>>>State Propositions
Prop. 1A...........NO
Prop. 59...........YES
Prop. 60...........YES
Prop. 60A.........YES
Prop. 61...........YES
Prop. 62...........NO
Prop. 63...........YES
Prop. 64...........NO
Prop. 65...........NO
Prop. 66...........NO
Prop. 67...........NO
Prop. 68...........NO
Prop. 69...........NO
Prop. 70...........NO
Prop. 71...........YES
Prop. 72...........YES

Suzie's Hot Artichoke Dip

Here's a recipe some have asked me to post. This was a recipe that Suzie discovered and prepared for nearly all get togethers from birthday parties to Super Bowl gatherings. Enjoy.

Ingredients:
1 cup Mayonnaise
1 can (14oz) Artichoke hearts
1 cup Grated parmesan cheese
2 cups Mozzarella Cheese
pepper to taste
1-2 sourdough baguettes

Drain canned artichoke hearts and puree in a blender. Combine all four ingredients in a earthenware bowl or pyrex dish. Season with pepper to taste. Place in oven at 350 degrees for 20 minutes or until the edges begin to brown.

Slice the baguettes into 1/4 inch slices and serve with dip.

The Curse Gets Worse

World Series, originally uploaded by wonderbread74.

The 100th World Series begins tonight in Boston. Is this the year that the Red Sox and actually all the inhabitants of New England shake the dreaded Curse of the Bambino? Nope.

What is the Curse of the Bambino? Dan O'Shaughnessy of the Boston Globe wrote a book about 20 years ago placing the anguish of the Boston Red Sox on the fact that they have not won the World Series since trading away Babe Ruth to the New York Yankees. Afterwards he became the guy who hit 714 home runs and had candy bars named after him. The Red Sox have not won the World Series since 1918 while the Yankees have won 26 times.

Boston's opponent, the St. Louis Cardinals of the National League boasts the Majors most complete team. They hit for power, for average, have solid starting pitching and the best bullpen in the Series.

More people seem to be dwelling on the Yankees; the team that is no longer playing instead of the Cardinals, who won 105 games this season, most in the majors.

Face it, the Red Sox Nation has already won what they desire--finally beating the Yanks. A letdown versus the more formidable Cardinals is inevitable. As the Redbirds showed in the NLCS, they can hit the longball. Boston's Green Monster in left field will be making Albert Pujols, Scott Rolen, Larry Walker and Jim Edmonds salivate.

We can go through all the stats and analyze every possible strategy but facts remains that the Red Sox reach their height of greatness just before the actually crowning of a championship.

The Curse is real.

Aside from its place in the annals of sports lore, the tale of the distraught people of New England and their cursed baseball club is some of the finest mythological stories of our time. Do you want to see the great story of the Curse Of the Bambino to end?

If you think the Red Sox will win, then within this great tale, who will be the man who slays the ghost of Babe Ruth? What man on the Red Sox roster was destined from the day of his birth to the ball field he first suited up in Little League to be mentioned in the same breath with the most famous New Englanders of all-time? Would you put Curt Schilling, Johnny Damon or David Ortiz next to Paul Revere, Nathanial Hawthorne, Henry David Thoreau and John Quincy Adams?

I think it's more plausible to place Albert Pujols next to Stan Musial and Bob Gibson as one of the greatest Cardinals ever rather than tackle 400 years of regional history in one series.

Cardinals in seven with the most agonizing ending possible for the Olde Towne Team.

Philly Goes to 6-0; Garcia Pinches Owens' Ass

Saints over Raidahs...I relate to the inconsistent Saints. I, too, am a saint. The Raiders are a mess...again. Jerry Rice is gone and now Jerry Porter is complaining. About what? Stop acting like such a petulant little girl and get yourself open.

49ers....this will be the Niners best game of the year; they have a bye this week. Good job.

Ravens over Bills...It seemed like this could an opportunity for the Bills to make it two straight. Baltimore has been inconsistent and will be missing Jamal Lewis for the next two weeks. I don't know exactly what's wrong with Buffalo through six weeks. I suspect they haven't gelled with their new coach, Mike Mularkey

Chargers over Panthers...The Bolts sink the Raiders further into last place. I guess Schottenheimer is going to just close his eyes and stand behind LaDainian Tomlinson until he can run no longer.

Patroits over Jets...My Super Bowl pick--the Jets--will not pick up a road win in Foxboro. The Pats' win streak will be the only good news when the Sox are down 0-2 in the World Series.

Eagles over Browns...Philly goes 6-0, but this will be their toughest test. Garcia and the Brownies are getting it done, but Terrell Owens will be running even more quickly when worrying about Jeff Garcia pinching his ass.

Bucs over Bears...Tampa looked so much better last Monday with Brian Griese. The Bucs D should be able to make some plays on Bears' QB Jonathan Quinn.

Seahawks over Cards...The Jerry Rice Era begins in Seattle. Pretty sad peope are assigning "New Era" tags on fourth-string receivers.

The Pack over Cowboys...Favre & Co. got back on track last week and a home win at Lambeau seems very likely; their first of the season.

Chiefs over Falcons...Chiefs by a field goal. Priest Holmes should be able to run all day because they're not throwing the ball against the vaunted Falcons pass rush. Michael Vick still hasn't grasped the West Coast Offensive; nontheless, they're 5-1, folks.

Giants over Lions...The Gints will continue to pad their 4-1 record by luck. Look for a huge collapse during the second half of the season.

Colts over Jaguars...The Colts are throwing up points even without Marvin Harrison. Jags' QB Byron Leftwich has shown he can play effectively when he doesn't have his best stuff. Another high scoring Indy game.

Vikes over Tits...Right now, Dante Culpepper is throwing up numbers on par with Dan Marino's record-breaking 1984 season. The Titans have problems against the pass. This equation bodes well for Minny.

Broncos over Bungles...Oh, now they're the Bungals! The flavor of the month drops so quick on the LFR. Starting Carson Palmer so early may not translate to win this season, but he still has shown moments of greatness.

SUNDAY TICKET SUNDAY STANDINGS
--------------------------------
STEVE.........45/86 (52%)
MILTON I....44/86 (51%)
MILTON II...44/86 (51%)
JULIAN........44/86 (51%)
BOBBY........31/86 (36%)

New Poll Shows That Polls Are Nuts!

One of the big residual stories that will emerge from the 2004 election will be the ineffectiveness and mind-boggling lunacy of tracking polls and the higher than expected voter turnout.

Polls have always fluctuated and are meant just to gauge the political winds, but this election season has seen some roller coaster poll numbers. Quite literally, competing news organization tout headlines that read, "Bush up by 8 points," while the same day another reports a dead heat.

The poll methodologies are clearly flawed with the Gallup poll seemingly on another planet. So, what's the problem?

Polling organizations are failing to account for a very different political landscape and attitude while not including changes in the way people live.

We are a country divided like no other time since the early 1900s and polling services like Gallup and Zogby have not changed with the times.

These wild fluctuations are occuring because these polls do not include first time voters or registered voters with cellphone as their only telephone. Across the country states are reporting huge increases in voter registration. A recent Democracy Corp poll, which incidently is the only poll that includes new voters, gave John Kerry a 50-47 lead over George W. Bush.

Sidney Blumenthal reports in salon.com today that seven percent of the Democracy Corp sample included new voters and they indicated new voters would vote for Kerry 61-37.

Such a large difference in new voters voting for the challenger would be expected. 400,000 new voters in the battleground state of Ohio and 100,000 newly-minted voters in just Philadelphia alone are not filling out voting cards to keep the incumbent in office. Blumenthal concludes correctly that success for Kerry will depend on the old political science axiom: because there are more Democrats than Republicans; higher voter turnout always equals a victory for the left. So, in the big electoral college scheme of things, where does this leave us?

Pundits expect that the winner of two out of three states that include Ohio, Pennsylvania and Florida will become president. With the onslaught of new voters in Ohio and Pennsylvania and the revelation in Sunday's New York Times Magazine that Bush will radically change social security if he wins a second term, may tip Florida's senior citizens to a sweep for Kerry.

Of course, all this could be moot when Bush rustles up Osama for a surprise photo op.

Blacks Get Around Fla. Voting Irregularities

Bush votes in Fla.
Originally uploaded by wonderbread74.

Volunteers at early voting polls in Florida thought an onslaught of caucasians who vaguely looked like President George W. Bush was odd.

Possibly inspired by the Halloween season, African-Americans in Florida are now donning white people masks to avoid having their votes thrown out.

Incidently, some African-American voters wearing Bill Clinton masks' didn't even make it to polls but were seen nearby getting busy in a Burger King bathroom.

Who Will Be The Next Woodward & Bernstein?

As reporters go, I have three heroes: Tom Junod of Esquire; Jake Tapper, formerly of Salon.com and Frank Rich of the New York Times.

Tom Junod writes with a richness and tone in his feature pieces that I have yet to come close to mimmicking. His appreciation piece about Mister Roger's ranks as one of the greatest articles in the venerable magazine's history.

Of course, I will never forget reading Jake Tapper's daily articles for Salon.com during the 2000 election. I have yet to read a reporter who is so adept at keeping the reader as riveted as Tapper's writing did for me four years ago. Why Jake are you wasting your talents at ABC News? You've went from writing beautiful prose to being their fact-checker during the past debates.

And now, The New York Times' Frank Rich has become my idol. Every Sunday, he cranks out informative columns teeming with such intensity and purpose, yet comes across honest and most notably thorough in his arguments. His view of our country is so clear and unfilitered that it almost seems false when matched against all the disinformation cable television and the corporate-owned networks spew.

Last Sunday's article titled, "Will We Need a New 'All the President's Men'?" [section2, p. 1] again captured all that is wrong with our current adminstration in Washington and their war against the media and placed it square against Nixon and the Watergate scandal.

Will this article be particularly prescient in the coming year? Rich writes:

"Our current presidency is now showing symptoms of a precancerous Watergate syndrome--as it is, daily--we have not yet reached that denouement immortalized by Hollywood, in which our scrappy heroes finally bring Nixon to heel in his second term. No we're back instead in the earlier reels of his first term, before the criminality of the Watergate break-in, when no one had heard of Woodward and Bernstein."

Rich goes on to compare the eerily similar situations of Nixon's Vietnam and Bush's Iraq:

Back then an arrogant and secretive White House, furious at the bad press fueled by an unpopular and mismanaged war, was still flying high as it kneecapped with impunity any reporter or news organizatioon that challenged its tightly enforced message of victory at hand."

What Frank Rich seems to do each week is to force out questions don't seem to be a part of the article but seemingly pop into your head. It's scary that the Bush adminstration has lifted so many tactics from Richard Nixon against the press. The question is: Who will be the next Woodward and Bernstein?

The media landscape in the early 70s was much different than it is today. Back in Nixon's era, just three network news divisions ruled television. It's debatable whether they had much autonomy in their reporting, but be assured none resembled anything close to today's Fox News. Newspapers back then were free of any media consolidation and thus more independent in their reporting.

It is safe to say that the next Woodward and Bernstein will not emerge from the current media conglomerates. Nowadays, independent news and thinking rules the internet. The internet will be the source of these stories of corruption and treason. These exposes will not arise from bloggers or amateurs on the net, though, but from an online 'zines such as Salon.com.

The problem is will a site like Salon.com be able to crack the headlines of corporate owned newspapers and TV network?

In March of this year, Salon.com reported with little fanfare, a scandal at an Iraqi prison named Abu Ghraib where American soldiers were rumored to be torturing Iraqi inmates. Readers of Salon.com waited nearly a month and a half to hear anything about this story on the national scene. It wasn't until 60 Minutes II had pictures that anyone took noticed.

Be careful of the media. They are not telling you everything you need to know. It's not hidden; keep looking for it.

Anna Boop

Anna Boop, originally uploaded by wonderbread74.

Everybody knows that Anna is either a witch or a punk rocker for Halloween. This year it seems she will be dressing up a a deranged Betty Boop.

Once again, Anna returned to her home in Washington state without saying goodbye. All of us would to say, "Anna no my friend!"

Middle East Envoy To Egypt?

Middle East Envoy, originally uploaded by wonderbread74.

Since my campaign consists of no volunteers, no supporters, no money and one garish green suit I figure my only chance would be to capture Osama bin Laden before George Bush does.

Unfortunately, as you can see in the photo, Osama's no bin Hiding in Egypt. I'm off with my camel Humpty Hump. See you at the polls!

Me And Doug Gabriel Down By the Trainers' Table

Is there's something in the water here at the Allegro apartments?

During third quarter of today's 31-3 rout of the Raiders by their division rivals--the Denver Broncos--someone was injured. Let me refer you to my July 21, 2004 posting titled, "The Curse of the Portugee" where I put a hex on my upstairs neighbor, Doug Gabriel. I did not, though, foresee the irony of the injury.

Many of you know, that between playing hard and being out of shape, I pulled my hamstring very badly while playing softball. So bad, that it caused a huge hematoma all over my left leg.

Who would have guess that old Dougie would come up limp with exactly the same injury. During the third quarter, Gabriel ran a deep pattern down the left side of the field. Raiders' QB Kerry Collins overthrew him but while diving for the errant pass television replays show him favor his left leg. Shortly afterward TV audiences saw Gabriel on the trainers' table clutching his left hammy.

Hey Doug, maybe you and I should take long walks together to Chinatown or something. Maybe if you didn't stomp your feet on my ceiling your hamstring wouldn't have been as weak.

Kerry's Fear-Mongering Is Disconcerting

It took me nearly two years to forgive Al Gore for the utter debacle of a campaign he ran in 2000. Aside for the massive blunder of distancing himself to an overwhelming popular president, it seemed that the Gore campaign was outmaneuvered constantly by Karl Rove and the Republicans.

Remember, though, he did win the popular vote so he did get some things right. One of them was the constant pressing of populist themes pitting the common man versus "The Man". These themes such as medicare, social security and jobs are winners in places like Wisconsin, Ohio, Michigan West Virginia and Pennsylvania. States that will be crucial to victory on electioon day.

But, since the debates ended last Wednesday, the Kerry team has began to weave a strain of fear-mongering that is stolen right out of the Bush playbook.

Basically, fear is all that the Bush is running on from Dick Cheney threatening another terrorist attack if Kerry wins to Bush linking Kerry with Osama bin laden by using the same line for both, "You can run, but you can't hide."

Why now is Kerry dressing up for Halloween as George W.? He's in Ohio and Florida telling people that a vote for Bush will lead to their teenage sons being drafted. He's also warning people about a "January surprise" where the Bush adminstration would try to privatize social security.

There is great substance to what Kerry is claiming, but do we need to lower ourselves to dirty Lee Atwater-esque Republican dirty tricks?

Please stay with the populist themes. It won Gore the popular vote even with a bumbling campaign team. With Kerry's more savvy bunch the Democrats can win both the popular vote and the electoral college.