Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Bonds: Fred Sanford Used Steroids

During today's much-anticipated Barry Bonds press conference, the known steroid-using, reigning National League MVP implicated the late comedian Red Foxx in baseball's steroid scandal.

"You guys are like re-running stories," Bonds said to the huge group of reporters in attendance. "This is old stuff. It's like watching 'Sanford and Son.' ... It's almost comical, basically."

Medically speaking, other acne, mood changes and issues of a "short" stick, one of the telltale signs of steroids use is a heart attack.

Red Foxx's character, Fred G. Sanford (the "G" stands for "Great), exhibited both extreme mood changes ("Lamont, you big dummy" and "Lamont, how would like five across yo' lip?") and a chronically weak heart ("This is the Big One! I'm coming to join you, Elizabeth!").

Sanford's friends, Grady, Skillet and Bubba had no comment on Bonds' allegations.

4 comments:

MrYosemite said...

Steroids can give you a "short stick"??? In that case, if I ever get accused of using steroids, I'll just show them the size of my heat seeking moisture missle.

On a different note, I was driving home from work yesterday and realized that I've never seen a goat that wasn't eating.

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