Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Round 1: Tavares vs Noh

> > > >At 01:05 AM 8/31/2004 -0700, Matt Santos wrote:> > > > >
I don't care how you guys vote, but no one can deny that Rudy G is one heck of a public speaker-

> > > > >>> John Noh > 08/31/04 07:42AM >>>> > > >I wrote on my whiteboard at work this morning:
> > > >
> > > >Giuliani/McCain '08
> > > >
> > > >Unbeatable ticket!!!!!! The GOP will have the White House for 16yrs straight> > > >
> > > >Sit and spin on that, Turkeyass

> > >At 08:52 AM 8/31/2004 -0700, Steven Tavares wrote:
> > > >Don't you think John McCain would have a problem that? Racist mayors
> > > >usually don't trump senior senators.
> > > >
> > > >Oh, I can think of someone who could easily beat Giuliani. Her name is
> > > >Hillary and Rudy already avoided her by conveniently having cancer.
> What! Republicans: Strong on Defense(?), Weak on can-do American spirit.

> > > >>> John Noh > 08/31/04 09:00AM >>>
> > >Come on, Stevie!!
> > >
> > >Even your dour, no-can-do attitude can't really bring me down today. All
> > >signs point up for W in the election. Kerry painted himself into a corner
> > >by declaring that he's the "Vietnam Vet" candidate for the presidency and
> > >now all he can do is play defense trying to defend his service 30 years
> > >ago. He has no one to blame but himself?
> > >
> > >Meanwhile, we have guys like Rudy to tell American's about Kerry's
> > >political record and why it'd be a disaster to elect him. Line of the year,
> > >bro: "[John] Edwards needs two Americas so Kerry can vote for a measure in
> > >one America and then against the very same measure in the other."
> > >
> > >Big Mo on W's side!!!!!! This is the beginning of the end for Kedwards. As
> >the McDonald's ad says "I'm lovin' it!!"

> >At 09:12 AM 8/31/2004 -0700, Steven Tavares wrote:> > >Your faux optimism is so easy to see through, bro. Maybe it's because
> > >nothing is going on in the news and you're suddenly dancing on the ceiling.
> > >
> > >It's the beginning of the end? Don't forget to explain the Bush's newfound
> > >defeatist attitude. It's very charming. I guess you can call his impending
> > >victory a "catastrophic victory"?
> > >
> > >About Rudy. I saw him with Tim Russert and it seemed he was against every
> > >standard Republican platform. The only thing Bush and Giuliani have in
> > >common is that both stood on ruble and said everything will be ok and
> > >viola! everybody forgot what bastards they were. Well, the world quickly
> > >remembered Bushie.
> > >
> > >John Kerry painted himself into a corner by being a Vietnam vet? You're
> > >forgetting everything said about him was a lie. How about I say you didn't
> > >really graduate from college. I don't know? No one ever saw Johnny Noh
> > >accept his diploma. If he did, I know of some classmates that will say he
> > >cheated on his midterm. Johnny Noh went to college? So what! Anybody can
> > >go to college!
> > >
> > >There you go, all lies. Now everybody knows Johnny Noh cheated on a test,
> > >maybe never even graduated and, if he did, so what? Anybody can go to
> > college.

> > >>> John Noh > 08/31/04 09:24AM >>>
> >No, John Kerry painted himself into a corner by making his Vietnam service
> >the keystone to winning the elections. Dumb and dumber!!! Especially when
> >his actions right AFTER the war was so anathematic to veterans.
> >
> >Uhm, go ahead and keep thinking that Republicans aren't happy about how the
> >elections are beginning to shape up, Sparky. It'll be over soon enough. My
> >only regret is that I have to hear your and other liberal whiny-ass
>complaints for four more years.

>At 09:30 AM 8/31/2004 -0700, Steven Tavares wrote:
> >Everybody! Gather around! Johnny Noh here fell for it. He is suffering
> >from Historical Amnesia. The Vietnam War, just like this "war" on
> >terrorism was a just and honorable war and everyone agreed we should have
> >been there. Those kids at Kent State just got in the way of those bullets,
> >right?
> >
> >He fought for his country, something neither of us would do and returned
> >against the war. How can you find anything wrong with that? Do you think
> >he saw anything pretty over there? Bush did. He was banging some broad and
>pouring boos down his throat while this was happening.

> >>> John Noh > 08/31/04 09:43AM >>>
>I have NO problems with John Kerry having served in Vietnam. I am grateful
>and respectful of his service to this country as I am of any veterans. I am
>troubled by his actions and comments bad-mouthing his own service, the
>service of other veterans, and this country in general right after the war.
>AND, unlike you apparently, I fully agree that the veterans who are now
>against him have every right to voice their anger (which has been pent up
>for decades) at Kerry's post-service actions.
>So, for the one millionth time, the discussion isn't about Kerry's service
>in Vietnam. It's about:
>1. His exploitation of his service in Vietnam as his primary qualification
>for seeking the presidency and the resistance by these angry veterans to
>that effort
>2. His radicalism after the war, which many people view as outright betrayal.
>To put in terms you can understand, Steve...Kerry's service in Vietnam =
>Good, Kerry's actions after Vietnam = Bad, Swift Boat Veterans for Truth =
>Bad news for Kerry.

At 10:01 AM 8/31/2004 -0700, Steven Tavares wrote:
>You're delusional.
>By the way, I enjoyed all those Asians giving speeches last night.
>I just spoke with Toby "formaldehyde Pants" [Toby Wolff was a paraplegic who was in our jounralism class. He always stank and ate liver sandwiches] and he says you cheated on
>your biology quiz and used a #1 pencil on the scantron.
>I call on you to return your AA degree to Chabot College immediately. I'm
>also call on Cisco to fire you for lying about your education.
>I awaiting a call from Alligator Arm Boy [an unknown guy who walked around Chabot College and had short arms like a T-Rex] about whether you indeed passed
>swimming in high school.
>You're such a scoundrel to the American education system.
>PS: You don't want me to go to Applebee's and trot out Al Gonzalez [the hemp smoking student president and journalism classmate who has worked every job in the two-mile radius around Southland Mall and lies through his teeth], do
>you? You know he'll say anything.

> >>> John Noh > 08/31/04 >>>
Sad. You really ought to employ the strategy of shutting up if you have
nothing intelligent to say.

Paraphrasing an axiom: "People may only think you're dumb if you're silent;
people will KNOW you're dumb when you speak" Words to live by, Forrest.

A's Won't Win The War On Terror

You might ask, "can we win?" And I will say, "I don't think you can win it. But I think you can create conditions where you can compete every season."

I love the Oakland A's. I was raised an A's fan and will die an A's fan, but Bay Area, we're not going to win the World Series this year. Nope. Sorry. We need to be honest with ourselves. With large-market teams out there like the evil New York Yankees and the dispicable Boston Red Sox in the running, how can we do it? The evil Yankees can lose a superstar to injury and quickly have another ready to step up. The same with Boston.

Sure we possess the best pitching in the American League and maybe all of baseball. Our arms could easily shutout any team in a short series and our hitters can launch as many bombs as any other team, but c'mon.

Let's be honest. We are not suppose to win the whole thing. It would cost ownership too much money all at once. Sure, it's possible. The A's could have signed Pudge Rodriguez this last winter and win the World Series this year. Florida did it. One season of palatable attendance and now their back to square one. The A's, on the other hand, tease their fans. They make you believe they're in the race for the pennant, thereby securing good to great attendance and make a tidy little profit for years.

Ahhhh, I'm tired of this analogy!

What's going on, George W. Are you kinding me? We can't win the war on terror? You have such a bad attitude. Couldn't you keep that to yourself? You're ruining your little celebration of dancing on the graves of 3,000 people who dyed because you didn't pay attention to your terrorist czar. Let's give up. Forget it. Call Laura and the TWINS! and go chop some twigs in Crawford. This is the craziest thing I've ever heard from a president. Indefensible.

I use to be scared by this guy, now I'm very alarmed. A couple of weeks ago he "misspoke" and said his adminstration is doing everything it can to harm the country and its people. Maybe he was telling the truth!

Think positive America. Vote John Kerry. I was kidding about the A's, they're going to win it all.

Monday, August 30, 2004

Iranians Love Krispy Kreme

Olympic Dream Falls Through Donut Hole

This may be an example of how the media trumpets stories and fails to give the same amount of coverage when it turn out to be false.

You might remember the story of Iranian judo champion, Arash Miresmaeili who withdrew from a preliminary round match because he refused to fight an Israeli.

I nearly posted a blog about the incident, focusing more on the extreme anger this athlete felt towards his opponent rather than whether it was right or wrong.

Mireshmaeili trained everyday for the past four years, was an accomplished judo champion and yet his hatred and personal beliefs were so strong that he denied himself his dream of participating in the Olympics. Now that’s hatred that I can admire!

Unfortunately, the facts got in the way of a good yarn. Mireshmaeili didn’t withdraw from the match because of his hatred of Israel but because he loved Krispy Kreme. In hindsight, the story did seem a bit odd

On Friday, the New York Times sports columnist, George Vecsey reported that the Mireshmaeili failed to make weight and the Iranian government use the opportunity to take a swipe at Israeli’s right to exist. The amount of coverage regarding the correction was nearly nonexistent and odd since it would have neatly dovetailed with these Games being politicized more than normal.

For instance, George Bush used the Olympics in campaign spots to the protestation of Iraqis and the International Olympic Committee (IOC). The Greeks vehemently protested Colin Powell attending the closing ceremonies and there was also the general paranoia that some events were stacked in the Americans’ favor. Why wouldn’t news that a government fabricated a political torpedo trump those other stories?

The answer: Americans have no inkling about what is going on between Israel and Arab countries or specifically what the conflict between the Israelis and Palestinians is about. Why muddle a good story with over 50 years worth of background information when you could be using the space to write about good old ‘Mericans winning medals.

Friday, August 27, 2004

Double-Pump Chump

I hesistate reporting this. Last night, around 3am, I was awakened by noises from up above. My upstairs neighbor, you know who, has his bedroom directly above mine.


I'm thinking, "Oh, no! This is sick!"

I don't know if there was any noise before I was awaken, but bro's, I kid you not......30 seconds!

I feel bad for him. I was sickened and then so sad for him (and her).

Also, it turns out one of my softball teammates has a girlfriend who rebuffed the advances of Mr. Gabriel. He told me, "Dude, I cringe everytime he catches the ball. He's a football player. How can I compete?"

I said, "Can you last 1 minute? Then he's not in YOUR league!"

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

What's Hot & What's Not

Originally uploaded by wonderbread74.
It's time for what's hot and what's not!

HOT: Halle Berry's rug
NOT: Strawberry on my rug

HOT: New hairdo for Amber Frey
NOT: Curly hair in my fries

HOT: Supporters of the Oakland A's
NOT: Athletic supporters of the Oakland A's

HOT: Release of Madden 2005 football
NOT: Release of John Madden's bowels

HOT: Girls behaving badly
NOT: Girls behaving goodly

HOT: Women's Brazilian beach volleyball players wearing thongs
NOT: Men's Brazilian beach volleyball players wearing thongs

HOT: Chipotle burritos with hot salsa
NOT: Chipotle burritos with hot salsa pouring out your ass like molten lava

HOT: Reading the Lunatic Fringe Report
NOT: Reading the Lunatic Fringe Report at work when your boss walks in sees an athletic supporter on your screen.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

LFR Exclusive Interview: Kerry's Heroes

Kerry's Heroes
Originally uploaded by wonderbread74.

Vietnamese Soldiers Tell Their Side Of Swift Boat Scandal
The controversy swirling around John Kerry's service in Vietnam has reached its saturation point without any resolution. While there has been very little proof to refute Sen. Kerry's record, Republicans are pushing forward. For a different perspective on this debate LFR found two former Viet Cong soldiers to tell their side of the story.

LFR: I'm here at an undisclosed location deep in the jungles of Vietnam. With me are two former soldiers, Hoang Wai Lai and Hi Suk Dong. Thank you for talking with us.

HWL: Oh, thank you so much. I really no like all this talk about Johnny Kerry. He a great man!

HSD: Yeah, it took me long time to say his name correctly. Wai Lai knew of him before I did and I thought because of his bad engrish that his real name was John Kelly.

LFR: Is it true that you were the two soldiers that John Kerry's boat charged at?

HWL: Actually, no. If you look at the picture we're the two guys dressed up like women running with our arms flapping in the air.

LFR: So you two were trying to distract the American soldiers?

HWL: Oh no, sirry birry. You see, Johnny use to be very jerrous, we use to love him long time. When he saw us sitting by the lakeside with the Viet Cong soldiers, well, he just fripped!

LFR: John Kerry had a homosexual relationship while in Vietnam?

HWL: Oh, no, no, no, no, but we did. Ah, good ol' John, where should I start. I first met John Kerry in Hollywood. He was eating a hot dog at Pink's hot dog stand. I overheard him talking about making a movie in Vietnam. I was like, "whah? I'm from Vietnam and he's so handsome!" One thing led to another and before you know it we making a film about swift boats in the jungles of 'Nam.

HWL: He needed some women for the cast but you know not many women in the warzone so Dong and me dress up. We fight over who look like Farrah Fawcett.

LFR: So, the real story here is that John Kerry was making a film and not serving in the Navy.

HSD: Oh, he was fighting all right...fighting us off, that is! He so sexy. Why he with that old bitch?

HWL: To her I say, "bring it on". BAH HA HA HA.

LFR: What about these other swift boat crews? Are they telling the truth? Was John Kerry really wounded?

HSD: Lies! All lies! Wai Lai and myself personally nursed Johnny back to health. He almost breed to death

LFR: It was pretty bad wound, huh?

HSD: No, no, that guy make more boom boom than Lyndon Johnson at a naked shooting range. (REWRITE!)

HWL: We gave him medicine, gave sponge bath, cleaned his wounds and gave him sponge bath.

HSD: Yeah, and don't forget the sponge bath.

HSD: Those other boats? Those guys were dirty. They no respect us like Johnny. Johnny be good--gentle--you know. Those other guys push guy out of boat because he no like what he say about us. Johnny, he pull the guy back into boat.

HWL: He my hero.

Monday, August 23, 2004

I'm Going To Start Wearing a Helmet

My upstairs neighbor, Doug Gabriel, has played very well in two pre-season games for da Raidahs. Two weeks ago he scored a nice 34 yard touchdown pass against the 49ers. He then followed that game with a dazzling 89 yeard TD run last Saturday night versus Dallas, but maybe he would have been stopped if I was playing defense.

On the way to work this morning I met up with Dougie Fresh. I usually take the stairs to get street level. In my building the door to the stairwell and main front door are very close, especially when both doors are open.

As I pushed the door open, Doug was walking out the front door. In typical jock fashion he was wearing a visor, sleeveless shirt and of course a football cradled in his left arm. He didn't see me coming and quickly switched the ball to his other arm before the door hit it, but not so gracefully.

He tapped it around before gaining control. At the same time a small, but stocky Filippino man came out of nowhere, I mean, nowhere and laid a vicious hit on Doug.

He stood over Doug and said, "I make yo' grave, numbah eighty-pive!"

Saturday, August 21, 2004

Me Likeee

Is it a bad sign when the delivery man from Chinese takeout says "Good luck!"?

Olympic thoughts: while watching women's beach volleyball on a Friday night...is this Olympic pornography? Both tandems of volleyballers are wearing near-thongs, if not, basic women's underwear. Me Likeee.

Neither the Bush or Kerry campaign is talking about the one policy change that would help the most with high gasoline prices--building more refineries. Whenever prices rise for anything other than pure market jitters, the reason is always the inability to produce gasoline quickly enough. Case in point: Light crude oil prices are near $50/barrel yet prices in the Bay Area are falling. I saw regular unleaded for $2.02 in San Leandro.

On two occasion this past week we've heard the linkage of the Bush adminstration and lawlessness from Democrats. Is this something to watch during the last 120 days of the campaign for President and/or possible second term for Bush but with a Democratic Senate?

John Kerry is now wondering out loud whether Swift Boat Veterans for Truth is a front for Bush and rumblings about whether a reknowed Hollywood director who is making a back-slapping film about W. while simultaneously working for the Republican National Convention is a violation of fundraising laws.

Democrats believe they have a very strong chance of winning back the Senate this fall. If they do, it will have huge ramifications over the next four Bush years. Imagine a lame-duck president with an opposition Senate hellbent on destroying him. Me Likeee!

I rented the very underrated Jim Carrey movie, Cable Guy last night. I had forgotten that the film was directed by Ben Stiller. Also I did not realize that both Owen Wilson and Jack Black had small roles in the film before they became big stars. Owen Wilson played his typical self-centered male character while Jack Black is relatively unfunny, tame and surprisingly unlikable.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Are We Having Fun Yet?

Has anyone ever heard the phrase “Are we having fun yet” in a literal context? Picture me in one of those inflatable jumping houses that suburban white people always rent for their kid’s birthday parties.

“Are we having fun yet?”

Yippee! Yes I am!

Picture me sitting at my desk working on some inane spreadsheet with a scowl on my grill.

Are we having fun yet?”

No asshole. I’m not! My fingertips are burning and my eyes are strained more than Michael Jackson’s arms at a diaper-changing contest.

If you ask me again in such a passive aggressive tone, I’ll hop onto this desk and jump on you like Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka flying off the top turnbuckle to smash Rowdy Roddy Piper.

Gymnastics Gold Medal Shrouded in Controversy

Just The Beginning Of More Anti-American rhetoric?

Last night's coverage of the Olympics featured the "miraculous" comeback of American gymnast, Paul Hamm, who recovered from a fall in the vault exercise to win the gold medal.

It made for great television, but some are grumbling it was less than legitimate. Officials from the South Korea gymnastics federation are questioning some of the judges' scores for Hamm's ill-fated vault routine.

My point is not to debate whether there were some scoring irregularities, just sour grapes from the South Koreans or the powerful U.S. gymnastics federation twisted some arms. Instead, we need to focus on the political atmosphere that these types of allegations stem from.

The Bush administration has so isolated and alienated the rest of the world to such a degree that every country suspects cheating, lying and general wrong-doing at nearly every social setting. The rest of the world reviles us. We need to be prepared for the pervasiveness of this notion. It is quickly filtering into the standard worldview of our nation abroad. Republicans claim this fact does not bother them. "Who cares what the French think!"

The fact is we cannot spread what we believe to be the noblest aspect of our country--democracy--if we so disregard others interests.

During the Cold War, Americans constantly accused Soviet and East German athletes of wrongdoing. It worked because they were the enemy and it turns out they were juiced.

Is it a stretch to say we are now the Soviets to rest of the world? We have a myriad of athletes under suspicion for steroids and yet the world sees them those same athletes still competing in Athens. The Two Greek sprinters who withdrew from games for possible steroid abuse stated this same fact.

We watch the Olympics on television hear the chanting of "USA, USA, USA" while others see us as arrogant, lying cheaters bent on glory at any cost.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Report Says 'Quakes Will Be Sold This Week

Representatives from Silicon Valley Soccer, a group dedicated to keeping Major League Soccer's San Jose Earthquakes in town, are saying the San Jose Mercury News will have a story in tomorrow's paper about the team.

An official from San Antonio is saying that the deal will be done this week and the team will be relocated to Houston next season.

Both San Antonio and Houston were hopeful cities in the last round of expansion. While San Antonio lacked a soccer-specific venue, MLS has long been enamored with becoming co-tenants with the NFL's Houston Texans at Reliant Stadium. Like Gillette Stadium in Foxboro, the stadium was designed with soccer in mind.

I find it hard to believe that MLS would give up on such a soccer hotbed, but it is a fact that the team has consistently averaged around 10,000 fans a game during a span of two MLS Cup championships.

If the Earthquakes do leave, it's plausible that the final blow was the awarding of a second team to the L.A. market--Chivas USA. MLS might not have seen the point of having three California-based franchises.

Mommy Say No!

Mommy Say No!, originally uploaded by wonderbread74.

Everyone thinks they know the famous Anna Weetay, but few have ever seen the dark side. She just left for Washington state this past week and was not happy. Said Anna, "F#@# you, Mommy!" and downed a few wine coolers in one gulp. Later she said, "Sorry 'kay?"

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Suzao Cup Team Photo

Suzao Cup Team Photo, originally uploaded by wonderbread74.

Thanks for making last Saturday a very special day. We'll get 'em next year...or the year after.

Monday, August 16, 2004

Bobby's Blast Wins Suzao Cup, 24-23

Julian slides into third
Originally uploaded by wonderbread74.
By Jack Reynolds
San Leandro Times Staff writer

Bobby Costa hit a walk-off three-run homer in the bottom of ninth to lead Team Mexico over Team Portugal, 24-23 in the 2nd Annual Softball Game for Suzie.

"It was the greatest moment in Suzao Cup history!", said Mexican outfielder, Suzie Garcia.

The win was the second straight for the Mexicans who acquired Bobby Costa and his girlfriend, Key Fogelson just minutes before the start of the game.

Three of Team Mexico's players were deported earlier in the morning when a "coyote" spilled the beans to the INS about their whereabouts. Team Mexico acquired the would-be MVP of the 2004 Suzao Cup for a metal Safeway cart full of homemade tamales and a case of Jarritos.

In the top of the ninth, Team Portugal scored two runs to take a 23-21 lead. In the bottom of the inning, Team Portugal quickly retired the first batter before allowing two singles. Bobby Costa came to the plate as the potential game-winning run and delivered a towering blast well over the 20-foot high right field fence to win the game.

"I felt the crowd wanted a spectacular ending so I gave it to them," said Bobby.

It was obvious that Bobby was aiming for the fences to Team Portugal shortstop, Steve Tavares.

"He was definitely angling his stance towards right field, but I wasn't worried because fly balls were dying out there all day."

Apparently, hitting a home run wasn't Team Mexico's strategy.

"Our strategy was to have Bobby play the fence and rely on our base runners to pull off the upset. Little did we know Bobby's mind was set to blast it out of the park," said Suzie Garcia.

Because of the short porch in left field, balls hit over that fence were deemed outs but ruled homers over the much deeper right field fence.

It was a bittersweet ending for Bobby, who played wiffle ball and the baseball exercise "Pickle" with Suzie as a kid, to betray his heritage.

"I felt anguish. I felt upset about being traded. I felt betrayed by my own people. I had to redeem myself," Bobby said, "I could have easily thrown the game, but I was anguished. I wanted to stick a dagger in all their hearts.

Team Portugal has now lost both editions of the Suzao Cup. Both the trade and its ramifications were on Team Portugal's mind.

"We felt generous. We helped them. We gave them our star player," said second baseman Milton Costa.

Team Portugal catcher, Julian Tavares added "We played with a lot of heart. If it was about heart we would have won one million to zero."

Others wanted to pin the blame on the embattled rookie outfielder/third baseman, Herbie Tavares. Herbie who is embroiled in the BALCO steroid scandal had some interesting moments in the field.

"Herbie lost the game for us! He made 5 errors and gave those guys 10 runs!" said team president, Carlos Tavares.

Retired Team Portugal first baseman, Danny Tavares said, "We sucked the big linguica today."

Herbie, being the only lefty in the game, played with a right handed glove. With little success he tried to field groundballs with the glove and transfer the ball to his left hand by tugging the mitt off and tucking it under his oversized arms.

When asked what Suzie would think about her team losing again Milton Costa said, "She's saying 'Wow! Herbie's on steroids.'"

In the winners locker room, Team Mexico's Suzie Garcia applauded the team's efforts.

"With four women, three men and an eight -year old on our team, the odds were definitely against us. Bobby and Key came through for us." she added, "We held our trophy up high and remembered why we were all there".

Friday, August 13, 2004

Mexico Goes For Two Straight

Defending champions, Team Mexico, announced its equipo for the 2nd Annual Softball game for Suzie. Hot off their 13-8 win last year, the Mexicans will field this lineup:

Michelle (Beaner) Garcia, Suzie Garcia, Mike Luiz, Mayra Rivas, Owen McCumber, Gilbert Garcia, Roberta Garcia, Robert Florey and Max Leon.

Last year's MVP, Nomar Garciaparra, now plays for the Chicago Cubs.

Reportedly, the Mexicans are pursuing several free agents of Hispanic heritage. Those include Fernando Valenzuela, Erubiel Durazo, Teddy Higuera and Mexican comedy-dynamo, Cantinflas.

Other news: Hoping to close the book on this game's most controversial event, the 2003 Suzao Cup will be awarded to Team Mexico before the start of tomorrow's game. Championship rings purchased from a vending machine outside a local taqueria will also be awarded.

Portugal Unveils Team

Uncle Richard at the plate
Originally uploaded by wonderbread74.
Today Team Portugal announced its roster for Saturday's 2nd Annual Softball game for Suzie. Most of the team that lost last year's inaugural game will be returning.

Mark, Dawson, Milton Costa, Erica Goul, Steve M. Tavares, Julian Tavares, Lizette Figueroa, Bobby Costa and Richard Jardin (pictured).

Rookies added to the roster include: Herbie Tavares, Jason Tavares, Eddie Tavares, Stephen A. Tavares and Key Costa (she wishes!).

In other news: Team Portugal announced they are against any drug testing for steroids. Rumors continue to swirl over the possibility that one of Portugal's recent signings is "juiced".

Monday, August 09, 2004

2nd Annual Softball game for Suz this Saturday

Mexico Wins
Originally uploaded by wonderbread74.
Mexico tries to defend their title at the 2nd Annual Softball game and BBQ for Lupus on Saturday, August 14th at 1pm at the Palomares Hills Field in Castro Valley.

All are welcome to attend the ballgame and enjoy a BBQ afterwards.

In the inaugural game last year, Mexico beat the Portuguese 13-8 in a highly controversial game. The Mexicans were accused of using ringers--Nomar Garciaparra for one--he hit two homers and was named MVP. He hasn't been seen since.

Nevertheless, the Portuguese team is fired up to bring the Suzao Cup back to their greasy, linguica-stained possession.

Saving Pops Santos

This month marks the one-year anniversary of my buddy, we'll just call him Matt, last drink or, as he calls it, “pop”. I know this a touchy subject but I need to talk about it.

I’m calling for an intervention. An intervention? For what? He's already stopped drinking. Precisely the problem. I need everyone’s help in getting him back on the wagon. No. Literally, I can’t lift his big ass up onto the wagon. Are you nuts!

Start Slow.Send him liquor-filled chocolates. Bake him Rum cake. Take him out for beer-battered seafood. Enroll him in the Beer of the Month Club. Anything!

A "reverse" intervention might seem odd, but let me explain. Interventions are used when a friend or family member hits the proverbial bottom. They can’t function in society. They might forego their love ones and job. They might be doing harm to themselves or others. He has told me that his body aches and co-workers tell him that he’s been so cranky. I’ll be blunt:

I miss my Matty Balou!!

I cannot sit back and see the greatest living drinker this land has ever produced drink Kool-Aid any longer. Imagine a world without Babe Ruth hitting home runs. Imagine Bob Dylan throwing away his acoustic guitar. Imagine Jonas Salk wallowing his life away making cough medicine. Imagine Ronald Reagan saying, “Mr. Gorbachev, leave that wall there. It’s good for the West German racquetball team”.

I’ve seen Matt Santos drink 15 Seven and Sevens and not even stagger. I’ve seen so many amateur drinkers literally challenge him in a drinking contest only to fail miserably. To see Matt Santos step up to the bar is to see the confidence and dominance of a drinking legend.

You can do it!

Friday, August 06, 2004

Bush Must Be Stopped!

The laundry list of "Bushisms" grew longer today, as President Bush vowed that his administration will "never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people."

I can't possibly add anything to this, but Jaytray can. Read it.

Thursday, August 05, 2004

What's Going On, Ricky?

The Miami Herald is reporting an email exchange with the soon-to-be retired Ricky Williams that indicates a desire to play in Oakland next year.

This guy is killing me. The Ricky Williams saga continues to get more and more bizzaro by the minute.

It's seems clear that his heart is still into playing football. It was just last week that he was done with the gridiron and now he's suddenly planning his short-term future.

This is what we know:
1) Cut his famous dread-locks
2) He showed up for summer mini-camp out of shape and disinterested.
3) He tested positive for marijuana and faced having his pay docked four games.
4) Announced retirement on the eve of training camp and poised to join Barry Sanders, Robert Smith and Jim Brown as great running backs who retired in their prime.
5) Now, he's speaking whimsically about playing for the silver and black as soon as next season.

He also made a peculiar statement regarding his famed quirkiness and the odd ball reputation of the Raider Nation, "they have crazy fans who expect a weirdo."

Is this a story about someone disenchanted and unfulfilled with an empty life as a football player or someone with deep issues with himself. It looks like Ricky is having a huge, lingering life crisis and it probably has something to do with this guy.

The Amish Vote Republican

I mentioned earlier about African-Americans voting Democratic almost exlclusively. The Republicans have their own personal voting bloc--the Amish.

Republicans in the battleground state of Pennsylvania are making a point of making sure the traditional, technology-phob religious group make it to polls. They've even went so far to post this campaign buggy sticker:

"Amish Way of Life: America, You're a Depression Away!" and

The Amish are the Republicans dream people! They carry no health insurance and accept no public assistance.

They also enjoy sex with farm animals and ZZ Top.

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Rule #5: Pray Better

People pray for forgiveness, they pray for themselves or others. Prayers don't always work for everyone, though.

Do a better job of praying, America. You're not doing a good job.

The problem lies in technique. Good posture is a start and so is using proper English when telephathically communicating with the Almighty. Most of all, don't squeeze your hands together so hard. Think like you're holding a golf club.

Be firm, but don't white-knuckle the Lord.

Monday, August 02, 2004

LFR Weekly Reader

Must Reads from around the Globe

Raider quits partying in time for training camp
My neighbor, Doug Gabriel, had some good things written about him in the Sunday Contra Costa Times.

It quotes a pre-draft scouting report that says, "he lacked maturity."

Tell me about it. With trainng camp up and running, I haven't heard a peep from Dougie Fresh in days. He must be too sore.....OR.....this white boy scared the bejeebies out of him and his pahtnah, too! I will offer this full disclosure, I was wearing a Colonel Sanders-type outfit when he rang me doorbell.

Turner speaks out on Media Consolidation
Ted Turner wrote an interesting, if not ironic piece in the latest Washington Monthly. Turner argues that big media is stifling competition and the quest for profits is acting as a form of censorship.
What will programming be like when it's produced for no other purpose than
profit? What will news be like when there are no independent news organizations
to go after stories the big corporations avoid?...Its job is to seek profits.

The irony is that the ruthless Turner, himself, tried to control all parts of CNN and TBS' infrastructure in the 1980s.

Playbook on dealing with Nader
A story in today's New York Times reveals some possible ways of dealing with Ralph Nader's run for President.

A pollster interviewed for the story says that most Nader backers tend to be stodgy, older codgers:
Polling shows, [they] are older and angrier than other voters. They
are fiercely against globalization and corporate dominance, and they are largely
indifferent to social issues like abortion and gay marriage.
One thing is for sure and reinforced by this story. Nader is in for the long haul and it remains to be seen whether he actually relevant. He's on the ballot in only six states, but one of them is Florida.

Cheney resorts to Fascism, again
An Associated Press story over the weekend says that Democrats trying to attend a speech by Dick Cheney were asked to sign a "loyalty pledge" to endorse George W. Bush in order to receive tickets.