Back in sixth grade, I perpetuated a racial song against fellow schoolmate Joel Chan, then universally tabbed the "smartest kid in school". I will not take credit for creating the tune but uttered its lines everyday during periods three to six at Canyon Middle School in Castro Valley, CA. The song was sung to the tune of the Spiderman theme song from the 1960s cartoon. It goes like this:
Joel Chan the Chinaman
Does anything a computer can
Oh, oh, there goes the Chinaman
I would like to apologize to all people of Chinese descent, whether or not they believe the Taiwan has a right to exist and even Jackie Chan, who makes millions of dollars making movies in America but finds little to time to actually learn how to speak anywhere near passable English. Even that one Chinese lady who brazenly cuts me off in the buffet line and completely acts like she doesn't hear me protesting.
I also send my regrets to Mr. Chan even though from seventh grade on it was revealed that he was not the smartest kid in school but apparently more adept at stealing answers to the test than taking a joke. I pray that you have not risen to the top of the Chinese communist party, Mr. Chan, and have mercy on me and my family when the party recalls it credit to America.
I am deeply sorry,
PS: I should have written a few more stanzas to that song!