Thursday, March 03, 2005

Reasons Osama Hates America #2

I pity you Americans. I spit on you. Pa-tuwee!

Why do you American filth thik you're so funny--so clever? If I say, "Surely, you don't think goat cheese goes well with peanut butter," why do you feel it appropriate to say, "First off, don't call me Shirley." This is not funny, American pigs.

I have remorse for many of you who spend their entire life waiting for the one moment when can you reply to this question. The other day, I was at the library here in Tora Bora. This guy says, "Whoa chief, do you have your badge?" This stinking guy says, "Badges? I don't need no stinking badges!" My mouth was, as you say, agape.

What is the meaning of this anyway? Do you think you are all comic geniuses like Rich Little or even Howie Mandel? That guy kills me. I asked all infidel Americans: How could you allow Paramount to cancel his daytime talk show. You know who I blame? That Don Rickles. He thinks he's so funny, but nothing he says is funny at all. Why does he call people hockey puck? What is hockey, anyway?...But I digress.

If I've said it once, I've said it a million times; May bombs bursting in the sky be more than a catchy little ditty!

Love, OBL


MrYosemite said...

Hi Osama,

I wanted to let you know that I can definitely relate to your point of view. In fact, if you're not busy these days (and I know that you're not), I was thinking we could get together to talk about a few things. If you'd like, I can meet this weekend, I have a new thermos that I received for Christmas and I'd be glad to bring you a piping hot cup of "shut the hell up". Maybe after our drinks, we can play a game of "hide and go fuck yourself".

P.S. If you won't tell anyone that I have a wooden dick, I won't tell anyone that you have splinters in your tongue.

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